


Not His Type

by YumeArashi



Category: Haven (TV)
Genre: (eventually) - Freeform, (physical and otherwise), Caretaking, Communication, Dirty Talk, Drugs, From Sex to Love, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Non-Graphic Violence, Recuperation, Relationship Negotiation, Seduction, Shameless Smut, emotional idiocy, porn that unexpectedly grew a plot, probably inaccurate medical stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-23
Updated: 2016-09-21
Packaged: 2018-06-10 04:37:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 30,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6940087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YumeArashi/pseuds/YumeArashi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nathan insists that Duke's not his type.  Duke consider this a challenge.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Jadzibelle](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jadzibelle/gifts).



> Set mid-season 1. Originally one-shot smut, it grew into a monster.

Duke looked up from sweeping the back patio of the Grey Gull as Nathan came around the corner of the building, and he rolled his eyes.  “What does Haven’s finest ass want with me at this hour?  If you’re looking for a table we closed half an hour ago.  Kitchen staff’s all gone home and I’m sure as hell not making you anything.”

“Got some questions for you.”

“Of course you do.  Because if there’s trouble in Haven, I’m surely involved.  Don’t you know I’m just a simple businessman now?” He waved at the Gull.

Nathan snorted eloquently, not even dignifying the claim with a verbal response.

“Better be careful, coming around here so late to corner me all on my own.  People will think we’re hooking up.”

“You're not my type,"  Nathan said dryly.  “Pretty sure I explained that back in high school.”

Duke grinned wickedly, seeing a golden opportunity to make Nathan squirm.  He sauntered over, watching Nathan from heavy-lidded eyes, and leaned into Nathan’s personal space to silkily purr in his ear.  "Don’t you know?  I'm everybody's type."

Duke heard Nathan’s breath catch, and pulled back just far enough to look at him intently.  Nathan was flushed, his eyes dilated, his pulse leaping in his throat.  His expression wasn’t one of anger or embarrassment.

Duke knew arousal when he saw it.  And if there was one fault he had in spades, it was never ever knowing when to _stop pushing_.

“Hit the nail on the head, did I?” He stepped forward, crowding Nathan backward until he hit the wall.  It was a dangerous game, seeing how far he could push Nathan until he snapped.  But Duke just couldn't resist the temptation to see what he could get away with, and damn the consequences.  Wouldn’t be the first time Nathan had punched him.

“What the hell are you doing?” Nathan growled – but Duke noted he was making no effort to push Duke away, not yet.

“Pushing my luck,” Duke grinned, rolling his hips against Nathan’s, letting the liquid motion ripple down his whole body.

Nathan gave another soft, choked little gasp, and Duke smirked.

“Well, well, what’s this?” he  murmured, rocking their hips together again.  “Guess you’re more of a real boy than I thought.”

“Shut _up_ , Duke,” Nathan glared, and for a moment Duke thought his little game was over.  He wasn’t done yet, though.

“You’d like to make me, wouldn’t you?  Like to push me to my knees and fill my smart mouth with your cock so I can’t say a word, yeah?”

Nathan shuddered, and Duke smirked triumphantly and began unbuttoning Nathan’s shirt, long clever fingers sliding swiftly down the fabric and opening it to his touch.  “Yeah, you’d like that.  Who needs to feel when you can watch my lips wrap around your dick, my cheeks go hollow from sucking you off?  I’d moan real good, too, let you hear how much I enjoyed it.  You’d get off just on that, wouldn’t you?”

Nathan reached up, one hand twining in Duke’s hair, the other clenching on his shoulder.  Duke wondered if Nathan even realized he was doing it.  He slid his hands over Nathan’s chest, enjoying the warm smooth skin.  “Someone grew up real nice, huh?  You should know, Nate, I don’t suck cock for just anyone.  I’d make you ask, I’d make you _beg_ for it.  And I don’t think you can do that.  So I guess you’ll just have to settle for something else.”

Nathan _whimpered_.  Duke chuckled, low and rich.  “Don’t worry, Nate, I’ll still be your dirty little secret,” he murmured, undoing Nathan’s pants and reaching inside.  “It’s not a blowjob but it’s still a damn nice view, huh?”

Nathan seemed to agree, his gaze riveted, soft little moans escaping his throat almost unconsciously.  Duke pulled down Nathan’s pants and underwear to let him see more, let him watch Duke’s fingers dancing on his arousal.  He was close, Duke could tell, but Duke kept his touch light and teasing, pulling off some of his more creative maneuvers to let Nathan wonder how they must feel.

“And you know what the best part of all this is?” he purred, watching Nathan shiver and gasp, admiring the long lean body as it tensed in anticipation.  “In the morning you can go right back to writing me tickets and hauling me in for every petty misdemeanor, but I’ll always know how you moaned when I got a hand down your pants, and you’ll know it too.”

Nathan cursed and climaxed, spilling hot and slick into Duke’s hand, and Duke had to wonder about the timing of that.  He tugged Nathan’s shirt off his shoulders and used it to clean his hand, leaning in close to plunder Nathan’s unresisting mouth with a thorough kiss.

Nathan slumped against the wall, slightly dazed, looking half blissful and half confused as to how the hell he’d let this happen.  Duke decided not to stick around until he came to his senses.  “Don’t feel too bad about wanting me, Nate,” he said cheerfully as he strolled off.  “I told you – I’m everyone’s type.”

**

The next morning, Audrey wondered why Nathan was turning bright red when all she had asked was “So did Duke give you anything good?”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is all Jadzibelle's fault ; )

In the following days, Nathan braced himself for Duke’s mockery, or for him to reveal to Audrey (or god knew who else) what had happened - or at the very least a heavy dose of innuendo.

But none of it came.  Duke acted as if nothing had changed, snarking at Nathan in his usual impudent manner and goading Nathan into sniping back.  He continued to be cheerfully uncooperative with Nathan, and to bitch and moan but eventually comply when Audrey called on him for help.  They continued to deal with Troubles as if nothing had passed between them that night.

The only explanation Nathan could come up with was that Duke was waiting to see him snap.

He was heading home after a late shift when he passed the docks and decided on impulse to pull into the Rouge’s slip.  If Duke was yanking his chain, then he was going to get more than he bargained for.

Duke answered Nathan’s knock clad only in a pair of low-riding pajama pants, a towel around his shoulders and his hair still wet from the shower.  “What have we here?” he grinned at Nathan.

Nathan forced himself not to stare.  “Why haven’t you said anything?”

Duke rolled his eyes, stepping out onto the deck and pulling the hatch closed behind him.  “A gentleman doesn’t kiss and tell, Nate.”

“If you’re a gentleman, I’m the Rev’s grandma,” Nathan snorted.

Duke laughed, warm and bright and genuine, different from his usual calculated charm, and Nathan was absurdly hard-pressed not to be pleased.  “Okay, that's fair.  But there are still some lines I don’t cross, and that’s one of them.”  Seeing Nathan’s skeptical expression, Duke sighed.  “If you still don’t believe me then look at it this way – it’s in my own best interest to keep quiet.  I may be no gentleman but I do have a very healthy sense of self preservation.”

“Suppose I can’t argue that,” Nathan admitted, rather sourly.

Duke smirked at him, sauntering closer with a smirk that made Nathan very suddenly remember that night at the Gull.  “You know, I don’t think that’s the real reason you came here.”

“Why the hell would you think that?” Nathan found himself backed up into a corner, his blood racing.  Being unable to feel Duke’s touch didn’t seem to matter to the surge of  _ want _ in him, desire sparked by the sight of Duke’s lithe body, his graceful and predatory movement, the wicked promise of his smile, by the sensual purr of his voice.  He had a mad impulse to lean close and lick Duke’s skin, to see if he tasted of the sea.

Duke didn’t even bother to answer the question, knowing it for the empty bluster it was.  Deft fingers were already undoing Nathan’s shirt and teasing the skin beneath, and Nathan found himself leaning into the touch.

“Y’know, Nate, I don’t mind showing you one little taste, but you know I don’t give anything away.   How about a little something in return?”

Nathan gave him a suspicious look, or as suspicious as possible when Duke was toying with Nathan’s waistband.  “If you’re gonna leverage this for favors down at the station…”

Duke rolled his eyes.  “Paranoid bastard, aren’t you?  I’m talking about reciprocation, Nate.  Seriously, were you expecting me to get you off and then just walk away every time?  Did you think I'd be satisfied with that or did you simply not care?  If this is how you treat women then no wonder you’re single.”

Nathan glared.  “You sure you want my hand on your dick right now?” he growled.

Duke grinned, reckless and challenging.  “I really, really do.  Question is, what are you gonna do about it?”

Nathan yanked Duke’s pants down none too gently, leaving him exposed to the open air and never mind the risk of someone coming aboard to see them. 

Duke had no tan lines anywhere, the sleek skin unbroken in color all down the lean lines of his body.  A tattoo rested on his hip, and Nathan’s fingers itched to trace the inked lines.  Duke was hard too, and knowing that he wanted this, wanted  _ him _ , sent a fresh surge of desire through Nathan.

He wrapped a hand around Duke’s length, awkward and uncertain, more than a little expecting Duke to mock his lack of skill. 

But Duke just tilted his head back with lazy sensuality.  “That’s what I’m talkin’ about,” he murmured, stroking Nathan’s length in turn.  “Is this how you do it to yourself, Nate?  Lying in bed at night, thinking about Audrey?”

“Shut  _ up _ , Duke,” Nathan growled, and he must have tightened his hand inadvertently because Duke hissed in displeasure and glared at him.

“Jesus, Nate, don’t be an asshole.  Hurting my dick – or anything else, for that matter, when we’re doing this - is off limits, understood?  That S&M shit does not fly here.”

Nathan dropped his gaze, wondering if he looked as sheepish as he felt.  The comment about Audrey was a low blow, but Nathan’s response had been too, however unwitting.  “Sorry.  Didn’t mean to,” he muttered.

Duke looked at him for a long moment, then nodded.  “Yeah, okay.  Here, watch what I’m doing and copy me, okay?”

Chagrined, Nathan nodded.  He looked down as Duke’s hand began moving over Nathan’s length again, doing his best to mimic the motion.  Duke started off slow and easy, getting Nathan used to the rhythm and pressure before he started getting more complex – adding a little twist, drumming his fingers along the hot skin, teasing around the rim of the head. 

With each new movement Duke’s breath caught a little, and Nathan found himself distracted by watching his face, seeing the effect of Nathan’s touch in the echoing flash of pleasure across Duke’s features.  There was something erotic in the mirrored movements - it occurred to Nathan that Duke chose each new trick knowing that he’d feel it on his own skin moments later.  As if this was how Duke liked to touch himself, and wasn’t  _ that _ a tantalizing image?

But it was Nathan who was bringing that pleasure to Duke’s face, not Duke himself, and there was something heady in being able to draw such a response.  And yet for all Duke made no attempt to hide his enjoyment, Nathan couldn’t escape the feeling that the other man was holding back, was keeping a part of himself separate and untouched by their activities.  Nathan redoubled his efforts, combining the tricks Duke had shown him and earning a startled moan.

The sound of it tipped him over the edge, but he allowed himself only a fleeting moment to enjoy the lazy bliss suffusing him, determined to pay Duke back in kind – and, preferably, to see him drop his walls.

Duke’s face in ecstasy was a thing of beauty, and if Nathan hadn’t already come that certainly would have made him.  But even at the height of pleasure there was still something shuttered away, held apart and unaffected.

“Don’t know what the disappointed look is for, Nate,” Duke commented airily as he stepped out of his pooled pants and headed back to the cabin, unconcernedly nude.  “I know it wasn’t me.  You have yourself a fine night, officer.”

It wasn’t until later that Nathan thought about Duke setting down ground rules, as if he expected this to be a regular thing.


	3. Chapter 3

It had been a long day and a hard one, but in the end the Trouble was resolved and no one was seriously hurt.  It was an outcome that called for celebration, Duke had said, and they’d retired to the Gull for dinner and drinks. 

Duke was in fine form as usual but his wit seemed slightly softer, his barbs more good-natured than cutting.  Nathan wondered whether it was the celebratory mood, the wine, or Audrey’s presence that kept him well behaved.

Weariness and food coma had kept them at the table long after dessert was cleared away, nursing drinks and talking.  Duke had long since told his employees to head on home by the time Audrey announced she was calling it a night. 

“Hey, Nate, stick around and help me clean up, yeah?” The question was entirely casual, but Nathan didn’t think he was imagining the spark of mischief in those dark eyes.

He should say no.  He should go home, clean up, get some rest. 

“Fine, if you’re gonna be a pushy asshole about it,” Nathan muttered.  Couldn’t make it too easy or Audrey would know something was up.

Duke really did make him help clean up, smugly taking advantage of the opportunity, but with two pairs of hands it went quickly.  As soon as they were done, Duke was pushing him back up against the bar.

“You really got a thing for putting me up against a wall, don’t you?” Nathan said dryly, enjoying the sea-and-spice scent of Duke’s hair as the other man nipped at Nathan’s collarbone.

“Looking for a change of pace?” Duke smirked.  He got his hands under Nathan’s thighs and Nathan narrowly avoided an unmanly yelp of surprise as he was lifted to sit on the bar.

“Coulda warned me,” Nathan grumbled halfheartedly as Duke opened his shirt.

“Where’s the fun in that?” Duke chuckled, undoing Nathan’s pants as he kissed his way down the lean chest.  He seemed purposeful in his direction, but veered aside to nip at Nathan’s hipbone.  He flicked his tongue against the crease between leg and torso, licked around the edge of Nathan’s bellybutton, kissed the little trail of dark hair leading downward, but always skirted around more dangerous territory.

“Gonna tease all night?” Nathan asked, frustrated.

Duke looked up with a wicked grin.  “You forgot already?  It’s not that easy.”

Nathan  _ did _ remember, he’d just been hoping Duke wouldn’t hold him to it.  “Fine.  I am asking you nicely.  Please continue.”

“Not bad, not bad,” Duke mused, tracing patterns on Nathan’s lower stomach.  Nathan might not have been able to feel it but his length twitched eagerly.  “But you were kinda taking this for granted there, Nate.  I don’t much like being taken for granted.  I think you’re gonna have to beg.”

Nathan honestly considered whether it was too late to write the whole thing off, but Duke nuzzled his hip and Nathan’s train of thought was derailed by the idea of Duke’s goatee brushing over his most intimate skin.  “Please.”

“Good, good start,” Duke praised, rewarding him with a long, lazy lick up the stiff flesh.  Even though he couldn’t feel it, Nathan’s breath caught in his lungs.  “But I want to hear you say it,” Duke continued, pressing smaller kisses up and down the hot skin.  “I want to hear, ‘please suck my cock, Duke’.”

Nathan’s imagination immediately presented him with Duke saying those four key words in a very different context, and a slight groan escaped his lips.  “Duke, please.  I want….”

He couldn’t quite bring himself to say the words, but Duke took pity on him and wrapped his lips around the head anyway, slowly sinking down on the hard flesh in a way that made Nathan groan much more unreservedly.

As Duke started to bob his head, cheeks hollow with suction, Nathan twined his hands in the dark hair.  Duke reached up and detached Nathan’s grip, moving his hands to Duke’s shoulders instead.

“Too hard?  Sorry,” Nathan said breathlessly, his voice unsteady.  God, he could watch Duke do this all day.

Duke gave an indistinct hum in response and Nathan could imagine that, could imagine how that must feel.  He moved his hands to the bar, distantly afraid he’d bruise Duke.

Duke rewarded his thoughtfulness with another little hum, letting his mouthful slip free and taking it in his hand instead as he shifted down to lick at Nathan’s balls.  Nathan whimpered, his hands clenched white-knuckled on the polished wood.  Duke slid each one into his mouth in turn and then pulled away, and the wet obscene pop was the last straw. 

As his climax hit, Nathan wondered dimly if Duke would have swallowed.  As it was, Duke simply pulled back and wiped his mouth on a paper towel, looking unbearably smug.  “You’re welcome.”

“What about you?” Nathan asked, awkwardly sliding off the bar.

“I’m fine,” Duke shrugged.

Nathan glanced pointedly at the tent in Duke’s pants, wondering why he was being dismissive after he’d insisted on mutual pleasure last time.

“I can take care of myself.  Don’t worry about it.  Not in the mood.”

“Not in the mood,” Nathan said incredulously.  “Not in the mood to see me on my knees returning the favor?”  Even in the dim light of the restaurant Nathan could see Duke flush, see his eyes dilate, could even smell the surge of arousal.  Duke was very much in the mood.

“You don’t actually want to eat a dick, Nate, let alone mine.  If you’ve got your panties in a twist about returning the favor, consider it owed.”

Nathan rolled his eyes.  So that was the problem.  He went over and wrapped his arms loosely around Duke’s waist, then sank to his knees.

“Seriously, Nate, you don’t have to.  Jerk me off and we’ll call it even, okay?  Forget what I said last time, I don’t want you doing stuff you don’t want.”

“Stop telling me what I don’t want,” Nathan said irritably, undoing Duke’s pants and pushing them down.  He licked tentatively along the thick shaft, and Duke’s protests cut off with a whimper.  In truth Nathan wasn’t particularly enthralled by the idea, but his pride still stung over Duke’s comment about things being one-sided.  And it would be well worth it for the reactions he’d draw.

Remembering their last encounter, Nathan tried to mimic what Duke had done for him, covering for his complete lack of experience.

“Whoa, easy there, Nate,” Duke’s voice was tight and breathless but still annoyingly in control.  “Slow down, don’t try to fit the whole thing in at once, that’s advanced level shit.”

“Pretty sure I don’t need to study Advanced Cocksucking 101 to put a dick in my mouth,” Nathan said irritably. 

“Pretty sure you don’t want to explain to Audrey how you ended up in the hospital from choking on one,” Duke shot back.  “You can be good at this or you can be a fucking sex wizard like me, now shut up and listen to what I’m telling you.”

“Sex wizard,” Nathan snorted, trying hard not to let his amusement show.

“You disagree, the door’s right over there,” Duke smirked.  “Your loss.”

“Not just mine, if I walked out right now,” Nathan smirked, flicking his tongue over the hot skin and enjoying Duke’s gasp.

“Sassy bastard.  Look, do you want to be able to knock Audrey’s socks off when the two of you finally get your heads out of your asses and get together, or not?”

Nathan scowled, irritated both by the jab and by Duke’s continued composure.  He wrapped his mouth around Duke’s length again, deciding to heed Duke’s advice about not taking too much.

“Good, that’s…Jesus, Nate,” Duke panted.  “Careful with the teeth, try to keep your lips wrapped over them.  And uh…” Duke seemed to lose his train of thought for a minute, long agile fingers combing restlessly through Nathan’s hair.  “Use your tongue, tongue is good.  Fuck yeah, like that,” he groaned.

Well worth it, indeed.  Nathan wondered idly if he was getting hard again, seeing Duke like this.  He pulled back and kissed the tip, continuing to press wet, open-mouthed kisses downward.

“Yeah, that’s good, just…ah…watch the stubble scrape.”

“Only you could bitch about getting head, Duke,” Nathan rolled his eyes even as he reached between Duke’s legs to cup the soft flesh he found there.

“You’ll thank me for the lesson later,” Duke said breathlessly.

Nathan decided that if Duke was still talking that meant he wasn’t paying proper attention, and he redoubled his efforts.

Duke cursed and panted and hypocritically tugged on Nathan’s hair but he never lost control, even up to the point where he was pushing at Nathan’s shoulders and warning him, “Time to back off.”

This time Nathan conceded that Duke was right about what he wouldn’t want, and he pulled off and wrapped his hand around Duke to finish him.

He cleaned up while Duke was getting himself back in his clothes, and this time he headed for the door before Duke could take off first.  He left without saying anything, and Duke watched him go but didn’t speak up either.  What was there to say, really? 


	4. Chapter 4

This time it was Duke who came to Nathan, knocking on the door of his house one evening.  Nathan lifted an eyebrow in surprise, but stepped back from the doorway and let him in.  “Beer?”

“Yeah, thanks,” Duke followed him to the kitchen and took a pull from the bottle Nathan handed him.  He fidgeted from a moment, clearly trying to find words.  Nathan simply kept quiet and let him.

“Okay, look, Nate, I got something to say.” Duke finally burst out.  “I’m gonna talk and you’re gonna listen without interrupting, and if you make fun of me I swear I’ll break your pretty face.”

Nathan rolled his eyes.  Duke took that for agreement.

“I was pushy about…this,” Duke waved a hand expressively.  “That was kinda shitty of me.  I was figuring you’d just up and punch me if you had a problem with it, but now…now I’m thinking maybe I was wrong on that count.  I never wanted to push you.  I’d never want you doing shit you’re not comfortable with or not ready for.  Screw reciprocation, screw obligation, screw whatever macho bullshit demands that you satisfy your partner.  The point was not to put you outside your comfort zone, the point was to just have some fun, no strings attached.  But I fucked up and if you’re done, I get that.  When Audrey finally realizes what a catch you are and you two get together, I won’t say a word, swear whatever oath you like.  It’ll be like none of this ever happened.”  He smiled bitterly.  “It’ll just be one more on the long list of mistakes I’ve made.”

Nathan contemplated him for a long moment, then said simply, “You were right.”

Duke narrowed his eyes.  “About which part?”

“I’d have punched you if I’d had a problem,” Nathan muttered, not liking having to admit it.  “Maybe you were pushy but I wasn’t exactly pushing back.  You’re not a fuck-up and I’m not done.”

Duke looked hugely relieved and not a little surprised, as if he were about to ask ‘really?’ but then thought better of it.  “Yeah, I mean, if you still wanna, that, uh, that sounds good.  But you gotta help me, Nate, I’m not a mind reader.  If I push too much, you gotta push back.  You gotta tell me no, otherwise I won’t know.  That’s the only way this works.”

Nathan took him at his word literally, pinning Duke up against the wall.  “How’s that for pushing back?” he said dryly, before closing his lips over Duke’s.

Duke made a startled sound against Nathan’s mouth, but he was returning the kiss, so clearly there were no objections.  Nathan could understand why Duke was so fond of doing this to him, there was something distinctly enjoyable about this dominance.

He wondered what Duke would show him this time.

Duke broke the kiss with the wicked grin Nathan had come to associate with their meetings, the expression stirring arousal in him in spite of his numb skin.  “So you like being in charge, hm?”

“Feel free to punch me if you have a problem with it.”

Duke chuckled.  “Just when things are getting interesting?  Not a chance.  Tell me, Nathan…you ever fantasize about fucking me?  Bending me over and shoving your dick up my ass?”

“Jesus, Duke,” Nathan growled, pressing closer.

“Oh, that’s definitely a yes there,” Duke smirked, reaching down between them.  “Sounds like it’s time for our next lesson.”

“Tell me you’re prepared,” Nathan told him.  He didn’t know much about the mechanics of this, but he did know that certain…accessories were required.

“Always,” Duke said cheerfully.  He pulled a string of condoms out of his pocket.  “Okay, lesson number one.  I don’t bareback.  Not now, not ever.  If you ever try, we’re done.  Use a condom or lose your privileges.”

“Fair enough,” Nathan agreed, impatiently undoing his pants.

Duke pulled a bottle out of his pocket and set it on the couch’s end table before beginning to undress.  “Lesson number two, lube is your friend.  Always better too much than too little.  A mess can be cleaned up, but it’s not a good time for either of us if you skimp.”

“Got it,” Nathan  muttered, blushing.  His embarrassment didn’t stop him from stepping close to Duke and running his hands over the freshly bared skin, though.  He might have already had an intimate view of Duke’s most personal flesh, but this was his first time seeing the other man fully nude in good lighting.  Between the long lithe body and the intricate ink, Duke made for quite a picture.

Duke made an appreciative noise and leaned against him, apparently unashamed of his nudity.  “Mm, that’s nice.  Lesson three, you need to stretch me.  If you try just shoving it in without prep we’re gonna have a problem.  Start with one finger and work your way up to three or four.  You can put a condom over your fingers if you want.”

Nathan watched Duke drape his undershirt over the back of the couch and lean over it, bending to display himself invitingly.  He clumsily rolled the condom over his finger, thinking distantly that he ought to feel at least a little disgust at what he was about to do.  But Duke was looking over his shoulder with come-hither eyes, and disgust was the last thing on Nathan’s mind.

“You’ll have to tell me if I hurt you,” he said, taking the bottle Duke had brought and squirting a generous portion of the slick gel over his finger.  He reached down to rub it over Duke’s skin and Duke yelped.  Nathan blinked.  “That hurt?  I barely touched you.”

Duke shook his head.  “It’s cold.  Next time do me a favor and give it a sec to warm up, will you?”

“Yeah, all right,” Nathan agreed.  He waited another moment before trying again, and this time Duke didn’t protest as Nathan diligently coated his skin.

“That should be good, you can go ahead with the first finger,” Duke encouraged.  “Slowly, there’s no rush.”

Nathan began pressing his finger in with glacial slowness, watching Duke sharply for any flinching or tenseness, anything that might indicate unspoken discomfort.  But from what he could see, Duke’s body language spoke only of pleasure.

He wished Duke were facing him.

“Okay, you can hurry a _little_ ,” Duke grinned back at him.  “I know we’ve got all night, but seriously.  Not made of glass here.”

“Yeah, all right,” Nathan nodded, pressing his finger the rest of the way in, still careful, not wanting to hurt Duke.

“Mm, that’s good.  Slide it in and out, like…yeah, like that.”  Duke was beginning to sound a little breathless.  “Okay, now curl your finger a little, kind of hook it forward.  Little more, deeper now, a bit - ”

Duke broke off with a cry, shuddering, his body visibly clenching around Nathan.  Nathan froze, uncertain whether pain or pleasure had caused that reaction.

“It’s good, that’s good, Nate, again, just like that,” Duke gasped.

Relieved, Nathan obliged him, relying on his well-honed skills of repetitive action to mimic what he’d done exactly.

“God, Nate, you’re killing me,” Duke groaned.  “Ease up for a sec, that feels amazing but I’m gonna come if you keep it up.”

Nathan was sorely tempted to keep going, to make Duke writhe and pant and beg, to tear down his carefully guarded walls.  But he did as Duke asked, letting him catch his breath.

“I’m good for another finger.  Same as before, slow but steady.”

Nathan pulled his finger free and got two into the condom.  He decided to add a little more lube, even though Duke hadn’t specifically told him to, and this time he remembered to let it warm on his fingers before pushing them in.

Duke made a little breathless sound and gripped the couch tightly, but he was pushing back against Nathan’s fingers so it didn’t look like he wanted to stop.  Still, just to be sure, he asked, “All right?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m damn fine,” Duke gave a shaky little laugh.  “How well can you judge resistance?”

Nathan considered that as he began to move his fingers in and out.  “Should be doable.  I can tell how much effort I need to expend to do this, so less effort would mean less resistance.”

“Okay, that’s…fuck, Nate,” Duke got distracted as Nathan curled his fingers just as he’d done before.  “The goal here is – ah! – three fingers, about this level of resistance.”

“I can do that,” Nathan agreed.  “Just let me know when you’re ready for the next one.”

“I’m ready, god, I’m about two seconds away from saying to hell with prep and just fuck me already.”

“Not happening.  You said this is what you need and you’re getting it.” Nathan told him, getting a third finger in the condom and adding another dab of lube.

Duke swore, his voice strained.  “That should not be anywhere near as hot as it is,” he told Nathan almost accusatorily.

“Glad you’re enjoying yourself,” Nathan smirked, sliding his fingers in and watching Duke arch his back and claw at the sofa.  Speaking of things that were far more arousing than they should be…

However Duke encouraged him to hurry – and he did, demanding and whining and cursing –Nathan refused to be rushed, keeping to the same steady pace.  He refrained from curling his fingers, as well – Duke’s long, lean body was drawn up tense, his skin flushed and sheened with sweat. Nathan wasn’t much of a judge of these things but he thought Duke was close, closer than Nathan would have guessed possible from just this.

When all three fingers were sliding smoothly in and out, he pulled them free and tossed the condom in the trash, opening a fresh one.  “Any new instructions, or just condom and lube and go for it?”

“Stop your goddamned teasing and fuck me already, Nate!” Duke growled impatiently.

As Duke had been saying things much like that ever since Nathan had told him he wouldn’t be rushed, Nathan didn’t take offense.  He did hope there wasn’t anything more Duke needed, but hopefully Duke would have mentioned it earlier.  He slid the condom on and slicked it up, then lined himself up, pressing in slowly.  Duke moaned beneath him, a deep, drawn-out sound, tossing his head back with an expression of rapturous pleasure.

Nathan settled his hands on Duke’s hips, leaning in to kiss Duke’s neck and receiving a shivering whimper in response.  He might not be able to feel the hot clench of Duke’s body around him but he could feel the chemical rush it caused, pleasure and desire running hot in his veins.

“All right?” he managed to gasp, feeling as impatient as Duke had been.

“Very fucking all right,” Duke panted.  He seemed a bit calmer, though, as if the joining had momentarily abated his need.  “Start slow, aim for that spot, work up to it.”

“Can do,” Nathan agreed, beginning to rock into him.

“Fuck, Nate, you feel so damn good, can’t wait for you to be fucking me good and hard,” Duke groaned.  “I’m okay, you can pick up the pace, I want you so much.”

Nathan bit Duke’s shoulder, wondering distantly if Duke always talked like that during sex or if he was doing it especially for Nathan.  He wasn’t sure which idea was more arousing – all he knew was that he needed Duke, needed this in a way that was rooted deep in his blood and bone.  He built up the rhythm as Duke moaned and gasped encouragement, working up to a pace that was hard and fast.  His hands dug into Duke’s hips - they’d leave bruises later, he noted distantly.  Their skin slapped together, accompanied by the slick sounds from the probably excessive lube, and the scent of musk and sweat and Duke himself twined together sensuously.

Nathan saw Duke’s hand leave the couch, heading between his legs.  He reached down and twined his fingers with Duke’s.  “Guide me,” he said breathlessly.

“Fuck, Nate,” Duke whimpered, bringing their joined hands to wrap around his dick and stroke frantically.

Nathan thrust harder, hoping he could hold out until Duke came.  The last thing he wanted was to go soft with Duke still unsatisfied.  But he needn’t have worried – it wasn’t long before Duke was shouting his pleasure, grinding back against him desperately.  Nathan felt the rush of endorphins a minute later, leaving him lazily blissful.

He nuzzled at the back of Duke’s neck.  “Okay?”

“Better than okay, you fucking wrecked me,” Duke said happily.  “But you gotta get off me before I can get up.”

“Sorry,” Nathan reluctantly stood and pulled out, tying off the condom and discarding it.

Duke stood and stretched, using the soiled undershirt to clean up the rather thorough mess of himself.  He was grinning, so Nathan surmised he’d enjoyed himself.  He pulled on the flannel shirt over his bare chest and his jeans without underwear.  “Well, it’s been a hell of a good time but I’d best be getting on home.”

“Yeah, all right,” Nathan agreed.  He watched Duke leave, wondering about his insane urge to ask him to stay.


	5. Chapter 5

Nathan chose to wait until the Gull had closed up and head to the Rouge, rather than cornering Duke at the restaurant.  There probably wouldn’t be anyone around at this hour to see what they did on the back porch but he wasn’t inclined to risk it, and what he had in mind wasn’t something they ought to be doing in a restaurant - even more so than last time. 

Duke greeted him with a smirk and led the way down to his stateroom, but Nathan thought he caught just a hint of uneasiness beneath Duke’s devil-may-care attitude.  Better to be blunt and see what came of it, he decided.

“So this time you’re on top, right?”

“No.”

Nathan blinked, surprised into blurting a graceless,  “What do you mean no?”

“Nathan...”

“We talked about this.  I told you I’d say no if I didn’t like something.  I’m not saying no.”

“Okay, but there’s wanting to because you want to, and there’s wanting to because you think it’s fair or some such shit.”

“Duke, I am  _ asking _ .  What’s your problem?  You can’t tell me you don’t want this, you got hard as a rock when I brought it up.”

Duke flushed.  “I just…I don’t want to use you.”

“ _ Use _ me?  Is that what you thought it was last time, me using you?  Because it sure as hell seemed like you were having a good time.”

“No!  I mean, I was.  That’s different.”

“Because you can feel,” Nathan said bluntly.

“Jesus, Nathan, that’s not a problem!  You’re not a fucking sexual cripple or some shit, it’s never been a problem and it’s never gonna be!”

“But this is ‘different’,” Nathan said caustically.

“What are you gonna get out of me bending you over the couch, huh?  You can’t see anything, can’t do anything, you’re not submissive enough to enjoy the idea alone, all you’ve got to go on is hearing.  And I know you like my dirty talk but I don’t want to find out after the fact that it wasn’t enough.  This is supposed to be good for  _ both _ of us.”

“First of all, quit assuming you know what I do and don’t like.  Second, we can do it face to face.  Even I know that’s possible.”

Duke hesitated.

“Why not?  And if you say ‘that’s different’, so help me…”

Duke shut his mouth, having apparently planned on saying exactly that.

“Look, if you don’t want to, just say so.”

“I do, just….not like that.”

“That’s all you had to say, Duke.  Let’s find some other way, then.  Something that you’re comfortable with and I’ll enjoy.”  Despite his curiosity, Nathan knew better than to press the issue.  Push Duke too hard, and he’d cut and run.  Always.

Duke looked surprised, and relieved that Nathan was willing to let it go.  “Yeah, sounds good.  You can just take me again, that was a good time for all.”

“Can’t argue that,” Nathan admitted.  “Can I ask something first though?”

“My encyclopedic knowledge of sex is at your disposal,” Duke grinned.

“I get that you’re not comfortable facing me, not questioning that.  But me facing away – does that bother you too?  Do you have a problem with that other than me not liking it?”

Duke frowned a little.  “I don’t have a problem with it for my own sake, but I told you, I don’t want to just use you.”

“You won’t be.  I think you’re underestimating how much this appeals to me.”

Duke looked doubtful.  “Hey, I’m flattered, really, but…”

“Gonna make me beg for this too?”

Duke reddened, his cock twitching visibly in his pants.  “You’re absolutely sure?”

“Perfectly.  Like you said, not being able to feel hasn’t been a problem so far.”

“Well…all right.  But if you’re not enjoying yourself, you damn well say so, okay?  I can’t give you what you need if I don’t know you need it.”

“Open lines of communication.  Got it,” Nathan agreed.

Duke took a step back, grinning.  “Since you won’t have much to watch during the act itself, maybe I should give you a little show first?”

Nathan swallowed hard.  “What kind of show?”

Duke went over to the stereo and put in a CD.  It wasn’t the cheesy porno background type of music Nathan might have expected, it was exotic and liquidly sensuous, with a strong beat that Duke began to move to.

Nathan had seen Duke dance, but never like this.  This was…this was an invitation.  Duke peeled away layers of clothing as he went, each movement a graceful tease.  Nathan couldn’t have looked away if his life depended on it.  Duke danced closer with flowing agility, coaxing Nathan, brushing close and then pulling away, leaving Nathan following after unconsciously.

Duke laughed, low and rich.  He spun close for a moment, deftly undoing the buttons of Nathan’s shirt, and danced away again, back and forth, each time leaving Nathan a little more bared.  Nimble hands on Nathan’s hips lured him into moving with the beat as well, not quite dancing but pulled into the spell of music and movement.  Nathan reached up to touch Duke’s bare chest, watching his fingers smooth over the tanned skin, keeping the rhythm. 

Duke practically purred approval as he stripped away the last of their clothes.  “Did I ever tell you what an insanely hot body you have, Nate?”

Nathan blushed.  “Duke…”

“Seriously, no joke.  I could spend whole days in bed with you and never get around to doing all the things I want to try with you.”

Nathan leaned forward to nuzzle at Duke’s neck, that spot behind his ear where his scent of sea and sweat and spice was strong.  “Doesn’t sound bad,” he murmured and nipped at Duke’s ear, pleased at the little shiver he received in response.  Beneath the music he heard the cap pop on a bottle and caught the coconut scent of the lube.  He wondered if Duke had changed his mind about the position, or was just getting him ready.  He wrapped his arms around Duke while he still could, using his mouth to explore Duke’s neck and ear, gauging his responses to find the most sensitive spots.

“You’re surprisingly talented at that, Nate,” Duke gave a little breathless laugh.

“Learning from the best,” Nathan smirked.  “What was it you said?  ‘A fucking sex wizard’?”

“Don’t make me walk out on you.”

“Try to leave now and I’ll slap the handcuffs on you.”

“You’d probably like that, wouldn’t you?”  Duke grinned evilly and gave an enticing little wriggle against him.  “Up against a wall and spread ‘em?”

“Jesus, Duke,” Nathan practically choked, scarlet-faced.

“Ooh, lil’ Nate  _ really _ liked that idea!  Definitely saving that one for the future,” Duke chuckled.

“Pervert,” Nathan muttered, looking down at the rhythmic motion of Duke’s arms and wondering whether it was just the dance or whether Duke had his fingers inside Nathan’s body, preparing him to take Duke in.

He found he very much liked that idea.

It proved to be the latter, when Duke pulled back a moment later.  Never ceasing his fluid movements, he coaxed Nathan into turning around.  Nathan leaned back against him, wanting the contact even though he couldn’t feel it, the subtle crinkle of a condom wrapper barely audible beneath the music.  He let Duke move him in the dance, the rhythm unbroken even when Duke gave a long, low moan, signaling their coupling.  “Nate, you’re so good, so hot and tight around me,” Duke moaned softly, his voice blending with the music as his hips rocked in time to it. 

Nathan reached down and took Duke’s hand from his hip, tugging it to stroke his length.  “Still doubt I went this?” he asked breathlessly.  There was something almost primal about this, this most basic dance set to music that carried the sway of their bodies in its beat.  

“That’s good, that’s…god, it would kill me to stop, I want you so damn bad Nate,” Duke panted. 

“Want you too, Duke,” Nathan admitted.  “Any way I can have you.”  The need in Duke’s voice, desire and desperation, made him want to give himself over, sate that need with the surrender of his body.  Duke had refused to use him, but right about now that sounded pretty damn good to Nathan.

The music was picking up in pace, and Nathan could tell that Duke was still keeping time, his hand faster on Nathan’s dripping arousal, their hips rocking more quickly.

“God, Nate, yes, need you so goddamned much, I wanna come inside you, let me, please…”

“Yeah, okay,” Nathan agreed breathlessly.  He shivered at Duke’s cry of pleasure, looking down to see himself spill into Duke’s hand.

Duke moaned softly as he pulled out, leaning back against the wall for a minute to catch his breath.  He looked as if he’d been the one debauched, hair rumpled and skin flushed and slick, his expression lost in ecstasy.

Nathan wondered how he could still want Duke all over again.  But all he said, as he took one of Duke’s shirts to clean up with, was, “See?  I told you to stop telling me what I do and don’t like.”


	6. Chapter 6

“I knew you guys would still be here,” Duke rolled his eyes as he strolled into Nathan’s office.  “It’s almost midnight.  The cleanup can wait.  Go home, shower, eat, rest.”

“You’re here,” Nathan pointed out.

“I am here bringing you food because I knew you would be idiots,” Duke grinned.  “And I stopped at home for a shower while the closing crew at the Gull was packing it up for me.”

“You brought food?  We love you,” Audrey said happily, setting aside her paperwork and taking the bag Duke held, unpacking it onto her desk.

Duke blushed, and hoped neither of them noticed it.  “It was no big deal.  Just some stuff left over at the end of the night.  No point tossing it, you know?”

“Damn sight better than frozen pizza,” Nathan said, digging in.

“Yeah, your leftovers beat a fresh meal anywhere else in town,” Audrey grinned.

Duke took a container for himself, eating to hide his embarrassment at the praise.  “So what story did you come up with for the official report?”

“Well…”

* * *

 

Half an hour later, Audrey set aside her food with a yawn and gave Nathan an apologetic look.  “I hate to do this to you, but I’m falling asleep at my desk.  Duke has a point, it won’t be the end of the world if we finish the write-up tomorrow.”

“Yeah, all right,” Nathan conceded.  “You head on home, we’ll clean this up and then I’ll lock up.”

“Okay but you’d better not be far behind me, you need sleep too.” Audrey scolded gently.  “You too, Duke.  You might be ahead on the shower score but you had a rough day too and need to rest.”

“Sir yes sir,” Duke grinned and tossed off an offensively sloppy salute, earning himself a light cuff on the shoulder.

Nathan watched her go, then turned to clear away the aftermath of their dinner.  “So.  Wanna talk about that?”  Apparently he had, in fact, noticed the blush.

“Whatever you’re referring to, the answer is no,” Duke replied, despite knowing perfectly well exactly what Nathan meant.  “How about I propose a counteroffer?” He held up Nathan’s handcuffs, grinning as Nathan reached for them and realized Duke had picked his pocket.

“Put those away,” Nathan glared.

Duke rolled his eyes, gesturing toward the closed blinds.  “No one can see in, if there were even anyone else here at this hour.  The only one left in the building is Stan and he’s way up at the front desk where he can’t hear a thing.  And he’s napping, I might add, so it’s not like he’s going to suddenly get it in his head to come back here.”

“We’re not doing anything in my office!”

Duke grinned, slow and sultry.  “C’mon, Nate, you know you’ve always wanted to.  Bet you’ve fantasized about bending me over your desk and conducting a _very_ thorough search of my person.”

He watched Nathan hesitate, the warring impulses practically written on his usually-impassive face.  Common sense’s insistence that this was a terrible idea, versus the pull of temptation.  The dignity of his office, his work, the station, against the fulfillment of a long-held secret fantasy.

Duke knew full well which would win out in the end.  He sauntered over to the wall and leaned in facing it, legs spread and hands behind his back, practically offering himself up.  “Better check everywhere, officer, you know how good I am at hiding things.”

Nathan cursed and came over to him, as unable to resist as a moth to a flame.  “Duke Crocker, you’re under arrest.  You have the right to remain silent…”

Duke’s grin abruptly vanished as he felt cold hard metal encircle his wrists.  Illogical panic ran through him and he fought not to protest.  This was what he’d _offered_ , damn it.  This was what Nathan wanted, what Duke had tempted him into in spite of his better sense, Duke couldn’t back out now.   Duke was just starting to focus on his breathing when Nathan pressed something into his bound hand.  His fingers curled around it instinctively and he recognized the shape.

Nathan had given him the key.

He’d given Duke an out.

Duke turned his head and saw Nathan watching him gravely, waiting.  The set of his features as concerned but stubborn as well, and Duke got the sense that even if he told Nathan to continue,  Nathan wouldn’t stir a finger until he was satisfied that Duke was genuinely at ease.

He let out a deep breath as he felt the panic melt out of him.  He couldn’t quite manage the sassy reply he’d had planned, but he gave Nathan a nod and a smile that was genuine, if a little shaky.

Nathan nodded back and went back to reading Duke his rights, his hands on Duke’s back as if beginning a search.  But his touch wasn’t brisk and businesslike, nor even teasing and seductive, but rather carefully gentle and reassuring.

Duke’s smile grew and he leaned back against Nathan’s hands.  “But officer, are you really sure you want me to remain silent?” he teased.  “I bet I could change your mind.”

Apparently taking that as a sign that Duke was comfortable once more, Nathan slid his hands down each of Duke’s legs in turn, taking his sweet time.  “Well, you don’t seem to be carrying anything,” he said, straight faced.  “But I think I’ll need to conduct a strip search to be sure.”

“I’d be happy to cooperate, officer, but I think those cuffs will make that a bit tricky,” Duke said impudently.

"Guess I’ll just have to do it for you,” Nathan turned Duke around so that he could see to unbutton Duke’s shirt.

Duke felt a little breathless at Nathan’s intent attention, at the long calloused fingers working against his chest.  He should definitely let Nathan undress him more often, he decided.

Nathan parted Duke’s shirt and pushed it off his shoulders, running his fingers over every inch of skin.  “Clean so far,” he murmured, tracing the tattoo on the underside of Duke’s bicep.

“Well, that’s only the half of me,” Duke said, trying not to sound too eager.  “Better make sure.”

“Better had,” Nathan’s lips tugged upwards as he undid Duke’s fly, drawing a rather undignified sound out of the other man.  “Hm, what have we here?”

“If you make a joke about concealed weapons, Nate, so help me god…” Duke groaned, breaking character, as Nathan pulled out his stiff length.

Nathan chuckled as he worked Duke’s pants (without underwear, of course) down his legs.  “Don’t know about concealed weapons.  Contraband goods, maybe.  Might need to see your paperwork.  I’m sure a legitimate importer like yourself has everything in order.”

“Oh my god, Nate!” Duke turned red as Nathan left off to rummage in Duke’s pockets for condoms and lube.  God help him the next time the Coast Guard boarded him.

Nathan gently turned Duke back to the wall, remembering and respecting his preference not to do this face to face.  “I’m afraid I’ll have to do a cavity search.”

“That should not be anywhere near as hot as it is,” Duke groaned, giving up on keeping in character.

“I’m going to have to be very thorough, you understand,” Nathan said gravely as he slicked Duke’s skin and pressed the first finger inside.

Duke cursed.  “You…you have given _way_ too much thought to this scenario.”

“And you never did?” Nathan murmured, crooking his finger.  “I arrested you how many times and you’re telling me you never, ever wanted it to go like this?”

Duke honestly hadn’t – he’d been arrested far too many times in much too unpleasant circumstances to fantasize about it.  But Nathan was changing his mind rather rapidly.

“I see you’ve waived your right to remain silent,” Nathan smirked at Duke’s moan, adding another finger and stretching Duke.

“I’ve created a monster,” Duke mumbled, even as he rocked back against the intrusion eagerly.

“Well, we’re just about done here, I think,” Nathan pretended to ignore Duke’s comment.  “Just one last check to be absolutely certain you’re clean.”

“And whatever could that be, officer?” Duke sassed him.

“You’ve got quite the mouth on you, haven’t you?” Nathan smirked as he lined up and pressed inside, Duke’s sarcasm evaporating with a soft sound of pleasure.

Duke tried to come up with a smart line but he couldn’t seem to catch his breath, arched back against Nathan with Nathan’s hands spread across Duke’s chest and his length buried deep in Duke’s body.

“That’s much better.  You’re so cooperative now, I’ll have to take that into account,” Nathan murmured, wringing a whimper out of Duke.  There was no way he should be enjoying this, not even a little.  But this was Nathan, and that changed everything.

Nathan continued to indulge his fantasy as he rocked into Duke, his voice growing hoarse and breathless, his hand wrapped around Duke’s length.  Duke whined and writhed and shuddered, unprepared for the intensity of his desire.  Neither of them lasted very long, Duke’s pleasure hard on the heels of Nathan’s.

Even as Duke’s climax was subsiding, Nathan took the key from his lax hands and uncuffed him, rubbing his wrists to ease any chafing.  “All right?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Duke gave him a grin that was more impish than he felt.

“What are you looking so smug about?”

“I’m thinking that you’d have a hard time arresting me now – literally.  How good are you at hiding a tent in your pants?” Duke smirked.

Nathan snorted.  “Gutterbrain.  You’ll have the same problem, you know.”

“You might be right.  Of course, I don’t plan on getting caught.” Duke gave Nathan a jaunty wave as he headed out, trying not to think about what this incident said about Nathan, or about himself.


	7. Chapter 7

No matter how or where their encounters took place, Duke was never willing to face Nathan during sex.  Truth be told, it bothered Nathan a little.  He wanted that, wanted to watch Duke’s expression, wanted to meet his eyes as they joined, wanted to kiss him as they reached their climax.  It was just a question of ego, he told himself, his pride bruised that Duke didn’t want it.  It was true enough, after all – he did find himself wondering if Duke wasn’t enjoying this as much as Nathan was, and that was a deeply uncomfortable thought.  But he had to be enjoying it - he kept coming back, after all.  Nathan had no illusions, if Duke wasn’t getting something out of the arrangement then he’d drop Nathan in a heartbeat.

Just having some fun, right?

Duke never stayed afterwards, when they were at Nathan’s place, in his office, or on one memorable occasion, his truck.  He’d never kicked Nathan out if they were at the Gull or the Rouge, but then Nathan had never given him the chance.  He knew what he was to Duke too well to want to be reminded, and making Duke ask him to leave would have made things terribly awkward – possibly awkward enough that Duke would decide it was better they not continue their arrangement.

That was starting to bother Nathan, too.  Which was ridiculous, he told himself.  It wasn’t as if they were going to cuddle afterward, exchanging sweet nothings and sentimental kisses – and he absolutely refused to look too closely at that idea.  Not because he might like it, certainly not. Because it was ridiculous, of course.  

Just as ridiculous as the way it had started to irritate him when Duke flirted with Audrey.  It had never bothered him before.  Duke flirted as easily as he breathed, and clearly Audrey thought it was all in good fun.  And it certainly wasn’t as if Nathan had any claim on Duke, or for that matter on Audrey either.  But there were flirtatious moments when Duke’s easy laugh and charming smile hid a wistfulness that only someone who knew him as well as Nathan did could have spotted, and those moments made Nathan irrationally irritable.  Made him want to wrap an arm around Duke’s waist and kiss him full on the mouth right there in public as if staking his claim.  Which, come to think of it, was the same way he was starting to feel every time Duke casually talked about how Nathan would ditch him for Audrey the moment Audrey showed interest.

_ Completely _ ridiculous.

But it was the Miller Trouble that made Nathan decide something had to be done.  The trouble itself wasn’t bad, but Duke was at sea that day, hours away and out of contact.  Which was fine, Nathan didn’t have a problem with Duke being out of the line of fire, but it felt just plain wrong not having him there.  He must have caught himself half a dozen times turning to look at the man who wasn’t there, words on his lips barely held back in time.  At every turn he found himself tripping over the assumption that Duke would be there, and he realized just how wrong he’d been to call Duke unreliable.  Silently supportive or loudly complaining, Duke had always had his back, and his sudden absence loomed disquietingly.  Even Parker felt it, their teamwork off, the normal smooth operation of their partnership limping along without their unofficial ally.  It was no longer just the two of them, and Nathan wasn’t sure it ever could be again.

He had to talk to Duke.


	8. Chapter 8

Duke quickly washed his hands before answering the knock at his cabin door.  It wasn’t a Trouble – they’d have called his cell if that were the case – so chances were it was Nathan looking for a good time.  Sure enough, he opened the door to Nathan, looking his usual combination of hopeful and awkward.  “Hey, c’mon in Nate,” he offered leading his way back to the galley.

Nathan’s eyes widened a bit at the chaos currently enveloping the kitchen.  “Making something fancy?”

“Yes indeed,” Duke agreed, stirring a pot and turning on the oven light to check the contents.  “I can’t put it on hold or it’ll be ruined, and the stuff I got at the fish market is way too good for that.  So here's the deal - I will absolutely sex you up, but after dinner.  Upside is, you get dinner.  Fair enough?”  He made the offer with a smile that showed none of his anxiousness.  It would be their first time alone together in years, but without the excuse of sex, would Nathan stay?  Would he think this too much like an actual date?  What if he decided it wasn't worth it?

“I can wait,” Nathan agreed, and Duke let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding.

“Excellent.  And since you’re here, you can help,” Duke grinned, handing Nathan a block of cheese and a grater.  “Look at it this way, it’ll go faster with two pairs of hands.”

Nathan seemed a bit bewildered at being pressed into service, but he took the bowl Duke handed him and obediently started grating the cheese.  “Don’t mind helping, but you know I don’t know my way around the kitchen,” he cautioned.

“I know, I know, if it’s not pancakes you’re lost,” Duke teased, pulling a colander out of the cabinet and setting it over the sink.  “Don’t worry, I’ll give you the easy stuff.  Not gonna make you shuck the lobsters or check if the breadcrumbs are sufficiently toasted.”

“Lobster?” Nathan grimaced.

Duke rolled his eyes as he sampled the pasta, deciding it was done and pouring the pot into the colander.  “Look, just trust me, will you?  I know you like my cooking, you eat at the Gull often enough.  It’s just one of many ingredients, I’d almost bet ten bucks you’d never even know it was there.  And I _will_ bet ten bucks you’ll like it anyway.”

“You’re on.”

“And just because you are a great big baby, I will leave one corner of the pan lobster-free just in case your majesty does not approve,” Duke smirked at him, getting to work on said lobsters.

“So magnanimous,” Nathan said in his dry deadpan, making Duke laugh.  “What are we making, anyhow?”

“You’ll see,” Duke said cheerfully, taking a break from the lobster to pull a dish full of shrimp and scallops from the oven.

He continued to direct Nathan in the simple tasks involved in the dish while taking care of the more complex matters himself.  Curiously, they worked as well together in the kitchen as in the field, moving around each other and trusting one another to do what needed to be done.  Unlike in the field, however, Nathan accepted Duke’s instructions without question or hesitation no matter how tedious the task, doubtlessly on account of knowing just how far out of his league he was.

It quickly became apparent that the dish in question would be a seafood mac n’ cheese.  Nathan looked a little doubtful as it was assembled, watching Duke smooth the breadcrumbs over the creamy pasta and shellfish, but he said nothing.

“Okay,” Duke slid the dish in the oven and straightened up, setting a timer before turning to Nathan with a grin.  “We have twenty minutes.  How about I thank you for being such a good helper?”

Nathan took a step towards him, then hesitated.  “Hadn’t we better clean up?”

“So practical,” Duke sighed and stole a kiss.  “You’re right, of course.  I guess I’ll just have to be grateful after dinner.  Extra grateful, if you were actually planning to help with the cleanup.”

“Like you said, be done quicker with two,” Nathan shrugged and started rounding up dirty dishes.

Duke emptied the dishwasher of clean things so Nathan had somewhere to put them, trying not to read too much into the situation.  Having Nathan over for a meal, working together to cook and clean up, it felt…right.  The animosity that had driven them for years was gone, leaving a comfortable and well-worn bond.  Nathan fit, in Duke’s life and aboard his ship, in a way that was unsettlingly appealing.  He had a mad impulse to suggest that they put on a movie to watch over dinner, spend the evening relaxing on his couch with a couple of beers and a comedy to laugh at together.

He didn’t dare, though - he'd already pushed his luck enough making Nathan wait until after dinner.  Duke’s company wasn’t why Nathan was here.  There was only one reason, and Duke wasn't about to lose what he had by asking for more.  Just because Nathan had suggested cleaning up didn’t mean he wanted to prolong the visit, he was just too practical to let a mess sit.

Duke couldn’t afford to delude himself about what Nathan wanted out of this relationship.  An invitation like the one hovering on his lips would lead to, at best, a well-meant but awkward explanation of how Nathan didn’t feel anything for him, that it was Audrey Nathan loved.  At worst it would result in a resounding and hostile rejection that would set them back to where they were before Audrey had arrived and rebuilt their friendship.  Duke was good enough to fuck but not to love, he knew that all too well.

The oven timer pulled him out of his morose thoughts, and he pulled out the dish as Nathan wiped the counters clean, leaving the kitchen tidy once more.  He dished up a small portion for Nathan, handing it over with a grin.  “For his majesty.  If you don’t like it then don’t eat it, I'll get you something else.  This is too good to waste.”

Nathan waited while Duke set the table and poured wine, accepting a glass with a raised eyebrow but no comment.

“This isn’t something you drink with beer, Nate,” Duke snorted as he settled in his chair.  “You can have water if you’d rather but I’m not serving your usual for this meal.”

“This is fine,” Nathan allowed.  He took a cautious bite, chewing slowly, rolling the flavors on his tongue.

The look on his face made Duke stare…and made him hard.  “So, uh,” he cleared his throat, hoping Nathan wouldn’t question why his voice had dropped, “I take it you approve.”

Nathan pulled out his wallet and handed over a ten dollar bill.  “This is really good,” he said sincerely, with rare enthusiasm.  “I was expecting the flavor to be really heavy and sharp, but this is subtle, the sauce goes well with the seafood instead of drowning it out.”

Duke actually blushed at the praise.  “Yeah, I uh, I used a couple milder cheeses than the usual sharp cheddar so that the sauce wouldn’t overwhelm the shellfish.”

“That was a really good call.  And….there’s a touch of cayenne, isn’t there?”

“Just a dusting.  I was hesitant about that since it’s so strong, but I like the dimension it adds,” Duke said, illogically pleased that Nathan had noticed.

“Yeah, there’s a depth to it you only get with cayenne.”  Nathan took another bite, thoughtful, analyzing, but also indulging in pure pleasure at the taste.  “I wasn’t sure about the breadcrumbs but the hint of lemon and garlic is a nice touch.”

“I don’t normally put breadcrumbs on my mac n’ cheese, but the crunch is a nice contrast,” Duke agreed, delighted to be able to talk about his cooking with someone who truly appreciated it.

“It was worth the extra work.  You should put this on the menu at the Gull so I can have it again,” Nathan grinned, the playful expression giving him a boyish charm.

“We’ll see, we’ll see,” Duke served him another portion.  “You can take some home if you want.”

Nathan hesitated, visibly torn.  “You don’t have to…”

“It’s fine, Nate.  I haven’t made this before and I don’t know if it freezes well, and I’ll never eat up a pan this size before the shellfish goes off.  You’d just be seeing that it doesn’t go to waste, and I do hate to waste food.”

“Twist my arm,” Nathan smiled.

Duke chuckled.  “Just remember that if you have too much now, you’ll be too full for fun times.”

Nathan looked up at him, his gaze darting away to the couch for a moment before dropping back to his plate.  He’d looked as if he wanted to say something, but thought better of it.

As he went back to his own food, Duke wondered what Nathan had wanted to say.

* * *

A little while later, Nathan pushed back from his chair with a satisfied sigh.  “I did eat too much,” he said sheepishly.

“You and me both,” Duke grinned ruefully.  He’d known seconds were a bad idea, but it was so _good_.  “Don’t worry, I can come up with something that won’t require acrobatics.”

“You don’t have to, you know that, right?”

Duke waved a hand airily.  “Sexing you up after dinner, that was the deal.”

“Pretty sure I recall you saying something about ‘screw obligation’.”

“Then it’s a good thing I’m not offering out of a sense of obligation, isn’t it?  C’mon,” Duke led the way to his couch.  He did honestly appreciate Nathan not pushing the issue, but if they weren’t doing anything then Nathan had no reason to stay, and that…that just wasn’t something Duke wanted to face.

“Curious to see what you’ve got in mind,” Nathan said frankly as he settled at one end, his back to the armrest so he could face Duke.  His pose was relaxed in a rather lethargic way, and Duke wondered what food coma was like for Nathan - was it detached enough from his sense of touch that he could he feel it, or was his body just sluggish to respond without apparent reason?  But he made himself consider Nathan’s question as he took up a mirror pose at the other end, their legs interlaced.  It was a little hard to concentrate, though, with Nathan watching him with sleepy interest, his gaze half-lidded and his body language relaxed and trusting.  Speaking of watching…

“Okay, you like to watch, a nice visual is a big thing for you, yeah?”

“Gonna put on another show for me?” Nathan asked, coming to attention.

“Yeah, not quite so energetic as last time, I’m pretty full too, but low-key can still be good.  How would you feel about watching me touch myself?”

“That…yeah, that sounds good,” Nathan’s voice dropped just the way Duke’s had earlier, a flush creeping up his face.

Duke grinned and sank down on the couch a little further, stretching out into a lazy sprawl.  “I’ll give you a real good show, don’t you worry,” he purred, playing with the buttons on his shirt.

“I’ll just bet,” Nathan murmured distractedly, his gazed fixed on Duke’s hands.  Duke wondered if he’d even meant to say that out loud.

“Sometimes when it’s been a while between our little…playdates, I’ll think of you and touch myself,” Duke murmured, opening his shirt and stroking his fingertips over his chest.  “You like that?”

Nathan groaned, evidently liking that very much.  “Me too, I can’t even feel it but I close my eyes and remember what we’ve done and it doesn’t even matter, I just want you so much.”

Duke let out a sound that was half a curse and half a groan, caught by surprise by that admission, picturing it and shivering with desire.  “Fuck, Nate, that’s so hot.  Next time you get that urge, give me a call and I’ll talk you through it.”

“God, Duke, you kill me,” Nathan said breathlessly, tearing his eyes away from Duke long enough to open his own shirt and pants.

“Someone’s a little eager, hm?”  Duke murmured, tracing patterns over his stomach, lower and lower, even though it was killing him too to hold back.

“Because you’re such a damn tease,” Nathan retorted.  “Is this how you do it, when you’re alone and thinking about me?”

“Mm, sure is, I like to take my time and let the pleasure build up, it’s better when you have to wait for it.  You say I’m a tease, but maybe one of these days I’ll show you what that really means, get you revved up until you’re right on the very edge and then stop, over and over again until you want to come so bad it _hurts_.”

Nathan moaned and reached into his pants, stroking unfeeling flesh to sate the sweet fire Duke’s words awoke.

“Yeah, you like that idea, don’t you?  You always like my ideas, you’re so willing to try any damn thing and that’s so hot,” Duke undid his jeans, tantalizingly slow, watching Nathan watch him.

“Your ideas have a damn good track record so far.  You make me crazy for you in ways I never dreamed of wanting,” Nathan said hoarsely, reaching down to tug at Duke’s pants leg, pulling them off.

“I’m not the only one who’s pulled off that trick,” Duke murmured, remembering the handcuffs incident as he slowly stroked himself, tilting his head back and letting his eyes fall half-closed in pleasure.

“You look amazing like that, Duke,” Nathan groaned, shifting restlessly on the couch as if he wanted to get up and touch Duke.

“You look pretty damn good yourself,” Duke said, appreciatively eyeing Nathan.  The open shirt framed his muscular chest and Nathan had shoved his pants and underwear down far enough to move freely, his hair was mussed and sweaty and his skin flushed with arousal.  “Nothing like seeing a hot, well-dressed man get all…rumpled.”

“Don’t know about the first bit but you certainly are good at messing me up.”

“You love it,” Duke chuckled, reaching between his legs to caress his balls, enjoying the little impatient noise Nathan made.  “You know, Nate, sometimes when I do this I like to put a couple fingers up my ass, make this that much better.  You wanna watch that?”

Nathan sat up, leaning towards Duke.  “I want to do that.  I want to get you off with that while you touch yourself.”

“Hell yes,” Duke said eagerly, opening his legs.

Nathan slid off the couch and knelt beside Duke, reaching under the couch for the ‘supplies’ Duke kept stashed there.  He hurriedly slicked his fingers and slid the first one inside Duke, wringing a groan out of him.

“Nate, more, feels damn good,” Duke said breathlessly, reaching down with his free hand to wrap it around Nathan’s length.

Nathan obliged him, pressing another in and curling them, watching intently as Duke’s hips arched off the couch.  “You like that, huh?”

“So fucking much, Nate, I’m so close,” Duke panted, stroking himself quickly.

“Gonna drive you crazy, Duke, like you do to me, gonna make you see stars,” Nathan growled, relentlessly rubbing the pads of his fingers over the sensitive spot.

Duke writhed and whimpered at the merciless pleasure, shuddering and arching his hips against Nathan’s hand until he gave a shout and came hard into his hand.

Nathan pulled away from Duke’s lax hand and sat back on the couch, finishing himself up with no more than a moment’s effort.

Duke watched with sleepy appreciation, then yawned.  “Mm, that was good,” he mumbled.

“Really good,” Nathan agreed, echoing the yawn as he relaxed bonelessly against the couch.

Duke told himself he should get up, clean himself off, fix his clothes.  But post-coital lassitude was combining with the lingering food coma to drag him down into a drowse.  He let his eyes fall closed, just for a moment, and tried to say something to Nathan that never made it past his lips.

He woke alone.

* * *

Across town, Nathan let himself into his home and turned on music, not liking the silence that greeted him.  He usually enjoyed the quiet peace of his private life but tonight it just felt empty.

It had been so hard to walk away.

He’d watched Duke fall asleep, surprised that the usually wary smuggler could relax enough in his presence to do so.  He told himself sternly that it was reading too much into it to consider it a sign of trust – Duke was probably just unusually tired.

But it hadn’t seemed that way, seeing Duke’s face go soft as he drifted off, relaxed and open in sleep.  He seemed so much younger without the constant hard wariness in his eyes, the sharpness behind his insincere smiles.

It made Nathan regret all the years they’d thrown away, wish he could go back and do it right this time, by Duke's side and not at his throat.  He’d said and done so many things to ruin what was between them, and what could he do now but offer meaningless apologies?   Apologies were only words, and words meant little to Duke.  For him it was too easy to flash them about carelessly, to twist them into ways to get what you wanted.

Nathan didn’t know how to make things right.  And he wanted to, he wanted that so much.  He hadn’t dared to so much as drape a blanket across Duke’s sleeping form, afraid of waking him, afraid of what Duke would think.  Would he take it as mere basic courtesy?  Or would he see too much of what Nathan felt?

A part of him had wanted Duke to wake up.  If he had, Nathan could have come up with some reason to draw out the visit.  But to stay while Duke slept felt like an intrusion, no matter how badly he wanted it.  If Duke did trust him enough to fall asleep in his presence, he would not abuse that trust by overstaying his welcome.

As always, what Nathan wanted for himself didn’t really matter.

* * *

“Nathan, look.” Audrey handed him the Gull’s menu.  There it was, in black and white – ‘Nate’s seafood mac n’ cheese’.  “What’s that all about?  Did he…Nathan, are you blushing?”

Nathan shook his head in vain and tried to hide his smile, wondering at how something so small could mean so much.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At this point the story takes a turn from sex to hurt/comfort for a bit. If you're just here for the hot man-on-man action, you'll want to skip ahead a bit.

Duke had just enough time to think, “Of  _ course _ this is how I die,” before the bullets hit home, sparing Nathan and Audrey just behind his wild dive into the line of fire.

The shooter hit the ground a moment later, taken down by Audrey and Nathan with merciless immediacy.  The two of them ran over to Duke, trying to slow the bleeding as best they could.

“Duke, hold on, the ambulance is already on its way.  You hang in there, you understand?  You  _ stay _ !” Audrey ordered.

Duke managed a weak smile.  “Never was much for following orders,” he managed to gasp, blood spilling from a corner of his mouth.

“Duke, goddamn it, don’t do this!” Nathan choked out, a tightness in his throat that was more than physical.

“S’matter, Nate?” Duke mumbled, his eyelids drooping.  “’Fraid to lose your fucktoy?”

Nathan stared at him, struggling with the brutal impact of that word and the panic that rose in him at the astonishment on Audrey’s face.

Anything Nathan might have said was a lost cause, as Duke was already slipping into unconsciousness.  Audrey cursed and pressed harder on the wounds, as if she could keep the blood inside with pure force.  Nathan tried to follow suit, staring at the blood welling up in spite of their efforts.

For a moment he thought it had started to rain, until he realized the drops were falling from his face.

The ambulance screeched up a moment later and Eleanor jumped out, running over.

“I’m his blood type.  Hook me up,” Nathan demanded. 

Eleanor barely spared him a nod, getting a line ready.

“I’m a universal donor, O negative,” Audrey added.  “When he hits his limit I’ll take over.”

“Later.  We need to get him in the van now.  Careful with that arm Nathan, we don’t want to pop the line out.”

The ride to the hospital couldn’t have been more than a few minutes, but every second lasted forever as they begged, demanded, cajoled, and ordered Duke to hold on.  The moment they arrived, Nathan’s donor line was disconnected and Duke was rushed off to surgery.

They stared after him as long as they could before allowing a nurse to rush them off to the blood donation room.  Nathan blankly watched her setting up, trying not to be sick at the insistent fear that he’d seen Duke alive for the last time.  The only thing that kept his stomach down was the knowledge that if he vomited then they wouldn’t let him give blood for Duke.

“They’ll do their best to pull him through.  Duke’s tough – and probably too stubborn to let that stupid prophecy win,” Audrey tried to reassure him – but the words meant little when Nathan could see his fears reflected her in face.

The nurse gave them a sympathetic look.  “It’ll be a long surgery.  All day at least, and then he’ll need some time in Recovery before he can be moved out to the ward.  Once we’ve got your maximum donation you should go home and rest.”

“Not happening,” Nathan said immediately.  “We’ll head to the waiting room once we’re done, get out of your hair.”

“That waiting room is no place for anyone who’s down a few pints of blood,” she said severely.  “You need proper beds, not to mention full meals.”

Audrey gave the nurse a hopeful smile.  “You’re probably not expecting any more blood donations today, right?  Can we maybe just stay on the beds in here as long as no one else comes in?”

“I suppose it’ll let me keep an eye on you at least,” she sighed.  “You got someone who can bring you food?”

“I’ll call Laverne, I’m sure she can find someone to run us over something,” Audrey offered.

“Chief won’t like it,” Nathan said automatically, then realized what he’d said and shook his head.  “That’ll be a plus.”

Much like the ambulance ride, the blood donation felt like it took much longer than it did.  Each bag was rushed off to the operating room as it was filled, and Nathan prayed there would be enough.  Of course, that was just the issue of blood loss, that wasn’t even taking into account organ damage and…he forced himself to stop that line of thought.  The blood loss he could help with – the rest was out of his hands.

He played with the bottle on his water cap, opening and closing it a few times before forcing himself to drink.   Thirst was the furthest thing from his mind, but he told himself that hydrating himself meant faster restoration of his blood volume – which meant he’d be able to donate again sooner. 

He never had liked feeling helpless.

The nurse pronounced them done and sent off the final two pints, putting bandages on them and tidying up.  “You stay here for at least a few minutes.  If there’s any tingling, numbness, pain, or lightheadedness, or feeling cold, you let me know at once.  Once your food gets here, sit up slowly, wait a minute, stand up slowly, and wait until you’re steady on your feet before you try walking.  You’ll need to eat at the post-donation kitchenette, but after that you come lie back down and sleep, understood?”

“Yes ma’am,” Nathan said obediently, lying still.

It was Stan who showed up with the bag of food, hearty sandwiches and hot soup from the Gull.  “Lot of us are hoping it goes well,” he said as he handed over the food.  “Duke might be trouble sometimes but he’s no real harm.  We’re pulling for him.”

“Thanks, Stan,” Nathan said thickly.  No doubt Stan had meant to be thoughtful in choosing the Gull, but the familiar scents hit Nathan like a punch in the gut.  He made himself eat anyway. 

“It’s not as good as when Duke’s there,” Audrey said softly.

“They probably slack off when the boss isn’t around, everyone does.  He has to get back soon so he can whip them into shape,” Nathan mumbled.

“He has to,” Audrey agreed, squeezing his shoulder.

After the meal they came back and lay down, exhausted from the physical and emotional stress.  Nathan fought to stay awake, feeling it would be somehow wrong if the worst happened and he slept right through it.  But his body made the decision for him, shutting down to restore itself.

 

* * *

Nathan woke to Audrey taking his hand, the flash of sensation too shockingly sudden to sleep though. 

“Sorry,” she said softly.  “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“No news yet?” Nathan asked, although the anxiousness in her face told him the answer even before she shook her head.

“The nurse said that it’s actually a good sign, though.  If the doctors were already finished, it would mean that…that there was nothing they could do.”

Nathan swallowed around a lump in his throat.  “So if they’re still working, then he’s still alive to save.  There’s still a chance for him.”

Audrey nodded and squeezed his hand.  “They’ll let us know as soon as there’s any news, but it might be hours yet.”

Nathan nodded rubbing a hand over his face.  He felt disoriented after his nap, adrift and lost.

Audrey watched him, her eyes sharp but her expression concerned.  “Do you want to talk about what he said?”

“Really not.”

“That’s fair.  But I think maybe you need to.”

“Didn’t know you were a shrink,” Nathan protested halfheartedly.

“Nathan, I don’t have a problem with the two of you being together.  And I don’t care whether it’s a relationship or just casual sex.  What concerns me is the way he seems to think you’re just using him, and how much that assumption obviously hurt you.”

Nathan frowned, but he knew better than to think Audrey would let this go.  “I have no idea what he was talking about,” he tried.  “Must’ve thought I was someone else.”

“You’re a terrible liar, Nathan.”

Nathan sighed.  “It’s complicated.”

“Always is,” Audrey said, although not without sympathy.  “Let’s start with why he would think you’re just using him for sex?  Because that sure doesn’t sound like you.”

“It’s…this started as…kind of a dare, I guess,” Nathan mumbled.  “It was the Rollins case, that time I went to the Gull past closing to ask him some questions.  He made …some lewd comment, I don’t even remember what anymore, I said I wasn’t his type, he came right up close and said he was everybody’s type, and…it just kind of happened.”

Audrey nodded, giving his hand an encouraging squeeze.

“I figured he’d tell you, or the Chief, or…everyone, maybe.  But he never did, never gave me crap for it, just acted like nothing had changed.  I figured it was a one-off, but…”

“But it happened again,” Audrey said gently.

“And again, and again.”

“And somewhere along the way it started being something more than sex,” Audrey concluded.

“Didn’t want that,” Nathan said quietly.  “Stupid of me.”

“Why do you think it’s a bad idea to fall for him?  You don’t think he feels the same?”

Nathan gave her an odd look.  “He just  _ said _ so.  Said so before, too, said what we did was just for fun, no strings.”

“Nathan.  This is Duke we’re talking about.  Would you expect him to be honest about his feelings?”

“Has no reason to lie.”

“He has every reason to lie.  We know that whatever he does or doesn’t feel, clearly he thinks  _ you _ are just in it for the sex.  He’s protecting himself.  Whatever he feels for you, he’d hide it.  You know how he hates to be vulnerable, how hard it is for him to trust.  Even if he thought he was dying, he’d probably rather leave the words unspoken forever than leave you feeling guilty about never returning his feelings.”

Nathan was silent.  Audrey wasn’t wrong on that point.  If Duke thought that Nathan didn’t feel anything for him – and Nathan had never given him a reason to think otherwise – then Duke sure as hell wouldn’t go pouring his own heart out, even on his deathbed.

Assuming Duke did have feelings for him.  Which was still far from a sure thing. 

“Will you at least consider telling him?” Audrey asked gently.

Nathan shook his head.  “I can’t just…talk about this stuff.  It’s difficult.”

“Nathan.  You know that every time we go out, it could end like this.  If the worst happened, could you lose him knowing that he never knew how much you cared?  Knowing that he died thinking he was just your fucktoy?  What if something happened to you, would you be willing to die without ever having told him?”

“What if I do tell him?” Nathan snapped, wanting her to stop, terrified and sickened at the thought.  “How’s it gonna feel when he laughs in my face?  When he tells me I’m reading way too much into things, that if I’m gonna be like this then he’s done with me?”

Audrey put an arm around Nathan.  “That’s a very understandable fear.  But I don’t think it will happen.  And you know how I’m usually right when it comes to people.”

“I know, it’s just…I remember what it’s like to have him laughing at me.  It hurt,” he admitted quietly, leaning against her.  “And that was just stupid kid stuff.  I can’t imagine how it would feel if he laughed at me for this.”

“I know,” Audrey murmured, kissing his forehead.  “I tell you what.  When he gets better, watch him for a few weeks.  No one can hide their feelings completely.  I bet you’ll see little signs that you were missing before.  And since I’m sure he’ll need plenty of babysitting, you’ll have plenty of chances.”

Nathan smiled thinly.  “He’s almost as bad a patient as I am.  He’ll want to be out of here the minute he wakes up.  And when he gets out, he’ll try to do everything he usually does.”

“Well we certainly can’t have that.  You might even have to stay at the Rouge a bit to keep an eye on him,” Audrey smiled.

Nathan rolled his eyes.  “ _ That _ won’t make him suspicious.”

“If he won’t take care of himself, then we’ll just have to do it for him.  And I can’t be there 24-7 myself, so of course you’ll have to take some shifts,” Audrey pointed out.  “I bet it won’t be nearly as awkward as you think.  You guys have been getting along much better lately.”

“We’ll see.  Might be too early to start worrying about that anyhow,” Nathan said quietly.

Audrey gave his hand another squeeze.  “He’ll pull through.  He has to.”

 

* * *

Nathan’s heart leapt into his throat as Eleanor came in, but she was smiling in spite of her obvious exhaustion, and he dared to hope.

“He survived the surgery,” she said straight away, and Nathan had never been more grateful for her directness.  “Doesn’t mean he’s out of the woods yet, though, three bullets to the torso is no joke.  We’re gonna keep him here for at least a few days to manage whatever complications crop up – which they almost certainly will.  But he’s here where we can keep a close eye on him, he was in perfect health, and your donations topped him up.  We probably would have lost him if not for that.”

Nathan rubbed a hand over his face, seeing it shake, feeling at once weak with relief and terrified anew.

“Thank you, Eleanor,” Audrey said with heartfelt gratitude.  “Can we see him?”

“Not much point, really.  We’re keeping him under for a bit so he can get some rest instead of trying to pretend he’s fine and arguing for discharge.”

“We’d still like to.  Please.”

Eleanor looked from her to Nathan and back.  “I tell you what.  Go home, get cleaned up.  Bringing a pile of dirt and germs into his hospital room won’t help anything.  By the time you get back he’ll have been moved to the ward and you can park yourselves in those uncomfortable bedside chairs until your rear ends fall off if you like.  And don’t forget to eat and hydrate!  It won’t help him if you collapse, either.”

 

* * *

 

Nathan’s first thought upon entering the hospital room was that seeing Duke like this felt so  _ wrong. _  Everything about the way he lay there - his pale inanimate face, the unnatural stillness of him, the wires and tubes snaking around him and violating his body, all of it was deeply and distressingly wrong. 

“I know,” Audrey said softly, resting a hand on Nathan’s shoulder.  “It’s hard seeing him like this.”

“I’m fine,” Nathan muttered, not even sure why he would bother with the pretense when Audrey would see through it in a heartbeat.  But she didn’t call him on it, simply pulled up a chair to either side of the bed and sat in one of them.  Nathan folded himself into the other, wishing the three of them could be anywhere else.

“It might help if we talk to him,” Audrey suggested.  “Even unconscious he can hear us on some level.  And we should hold his hands, too.”

Nathan looked at Duke’s hand lying on the thin hospital sheets, and hesitated.

“Nathan.  He’s not waking up any time soon.  He won’t know,” Audrey reproached gently as she took Duke’s other hand, carefully brushing a lock of hair away from Duke’s face.

Nathan nodded curtly, taking Duke’s hand in his – and then dropping it as if were a live coal, staring open-mouthed.

“Nathan, what is it?” Audrey asked alarmed.

“It’s okay, it’s fine, I just…” Nathan paused, trying to think of a way to evade or lie.  But Audrey would know if he lied, and she wouldn’t be so easily distracted.  The cat was well and truly out of the bag.  “I can feel him.”

Audrey gaped.  “You can?  Nathan, that’s amazing!  Do you think being able to be honest about your feelings might have given you some control over your Trouble?  It was triggered by a conflict with him, after all.”

“Don’t think so,” Nathan shook his head.  He took Duke's hand again, marveling at the feel of the warm skin, the callouses on Duke’s palm and fingers and the softer skin on the back of his hand.  “Think it’s you.  Your blood, your immunity.”

“Really?” Audrey looked intrigued.  “If that’s true then maybe we could develop some kind of…treatment, some vaccine from my blood.  I wonder how much it takes to get that effect.  But wait, if my immunity lets you feel him, then you ought to be able to feel me too.”

Nathan gave her an embarrassed and somewhat guilty look.

“Nathan Wuornos!  Why didn’t you ever say anything?  That must have…why would you deny yourself that?” Audrey asked worriedly.

“Wasn’t fair to you,” Nathan said simply. 

Audrey stared for a moment more before shaking her head, getting up, and coming over to wrap her arms around him in a comforting hug.  “You are ridiculous, Nathan.  And now, since I expect we’ll be here a while, I’m going to go find us some coffee and something to eat.  I’ll be back in a little while.”

“I packed some food, and there’s a coffee machine just down the hall.”

Audrey gave him an affectionately stern look.  “Nathan.  I’m going out.  I’m sure you will be  _ just fine _ alone here with Duke.”

“…Oh,” Nathan suspected his face was turning pink.

Audrey smiled and kissed his forehead before heading out the door.  “Don’t forget to talk to him.”

Nathan watched the door close behind her before turning his attention back to Duke.  He couldn’t resist reaching out to run his fingers through Duke’s hair, his breath catching at the softness. 

He had never allowed himself to touch Audrey freely.  That was not how things were between them, and he had never wanted to burden her with knowing that she was the only one he could feel.  There was an obligation in that, a weight he wasn’t willing to put on her.   

With Duke it was different.  The two of them had touched practically every inch of one another, pressing hands and mouths to one another’s skin, even without Nathan being able to feel any of it.  And yet, Nathan wasn’t blind enough to think this was the same.  There was a level of social cues he simply wasn’t good at, but he knew that just because they’d had sex didn’t give him license to touch Duke whenever and however he wanted.  If Duke didn’t have feelings for Nathan, he wouldn’t welcome this quietly intimate affection. 

It was selfish of him, and probably intrusive, but Nathan couldn’t bring himself to stop.  He traced his fingertips over Duke’s face, learning the arch of his brows, the scratchy springiness of his goatee, the slight angle of his once-broken nose, the curves of his ears.  If not for the breathing tube, he would have kissed Duke.  If not for the injuries he would have curled up beside Duke in that little bed, wrapped him in his arms and pulled him close.   He needed to learn the feel of him, carve it into his memory.  He had no idea how fleeting this would be, and if it was gone tomorrow he wanted the memory to hold onto forever.  He didn’t want to go back to the numbness without ever knowing this.

“Hey, Duke,” he said softly.  “Don’t know if you can hear me, but I’m here.  You’re not alone.  You’re going to be okay.  I won’t leave you.”

It took him a little while to notice, but the rhythmic beeping that had kept time in the background was changing. Nathan looked over at the screen displaying Duke’s vital signs.  His heartrate was calming, his low temperature and blood oxygen were rising.  Audrey had been right, this was helping Duke.

Nathan stared at the monitor in surprise.  “Hell of a strange place, Haven,” he shook his head, and settled in for a long night.

 

* * *

All through that night, asleep or awake, Nathan kept hold of Duke’s hand.  When morning came things looked better – the breathing tube was removed and the drugs keeping him unconscious were stopped.  Audrey went out to get bagels and fresh coffee, insisting that Nathan should stay.  Nathan hadn’t argued the point particularly strenuously.

“You know,” Audrey pointed out as they finished their breakfast, “If you tell him that you can feel him, that gives you a great excuse for tactile affection.  I know that being touchy-feely isn’t usually your thing, but it would be a good chance to see how he reacts.  If he likes it, he has feelings – if he’s uncomfortable then maybe it really is just casual sex.  Bet it’s not, though.”

“Not going to put that on him any more than on you.  And if I push him, he’ll just distance himself.  Maybe call things off entirely if he guesses how I feel.”

Audrey rolled her eyes.  “I wasn’t suggesting non-stop cuddles.  Start small and if he seems okay, work up.  Taking care of him will give you plenty of opportunities for subtle little affectionate touches.”

“Speaking of caretaking,” Nathan blatantly changed the subject, “Minute he’s discharged he’ll insist he’s fine and doesn’t need us around.  Not about to let him try, but stressing over unwelcome guests won’t do him any good.”

“That sounds like Duke,” Audrey’s expression was a mix of affection and exasperation.  “Don’t worry.  I’ll talk him around.

“Anyone can, it’s you,” Nathan looked relieved. 

Nathan was about to ask how the chief was taking his absence when he glanced at Duke and realized he was awake, gazing in bleary wonder at Nathan’s hand holding his.  “m’I dreaming?” Duke rasped.

Nathan snatched his hand away as if he’d been burned.

“Nathan!” Audrey scolded, squeezing Duke’s other hand in hers. 

Nathan was about to argue that Duke was probably still drugged to the gills, wouldn’t even notice – but when he looked at Duke it wasn’t obliviousness on the other man’s face, it was undisguised hurt.  “Nate, c’mon,” he mumbled.  “Know ‘m toxic but not lit’rally.”

Feeling ashamed of himself, Nathan took Duke’s hand again.  “Sorry, Duke. Just startled, is all.  Didn’t realize you were awake.”  Duke’s fingers curled around his and the animated warmth of his hand was so much better than the unnatural limpness of the chemical coma.

“Better,” Duke murmured happily, his smile so warm and soft that it hurt Nathan’s heart to see.  Would Duke remember any of this when the painkillers wore off?  Nathan wasn’t sure whether to hope he did, or hope he didn’t.

Duke watched Nathan’s thumb brushing slowly over the back of his hand, sleepy-eyed and vaguely fascinated.  Then abruptly his eyes widened.  “You feel that!”

Nathan’s jaw dropped.  How could he have possibly known?

“Duke?” Audrey asked cautiously, not sure whether she should admit anything or not.  Nathan’s face had probably given the game away, but who knew how cognizant Duke really was under the heavy blanket of painkillers?

Duke laboriously turned his head to look at her.  “He looks th’ same as when he touches you,” he said simply.

It was Audrey turn to stare.  “How long have you known?”

“Oh…forever an’ ever.  I know Nate way back.  Can read his face.  S’how I always knew you two'd get together an’ leave me behind.  Meant to be.  Always, always knew." 

If Duke had been in his right mind, this would have been an airy off-hand comment, spoken with a half-joking smile.  But now the words were slow and sad, weighted with hopeless resignation he couldn’t hide.

“Then you don’t know me as well as you think you do,” Nathan told him, leaning forward and running his fingers through the dark hair.  It felt terribly invasive to see Duke like this, completely vulnerable and unguarded.  He’d often wished to see Duke relax his guard, to see the walls come down and reveal his sincere self.  But not like this.  Never like this, stripped down to raw naked emotion against his will and without his choice, exposing his most hidden thoughts in a way Nathan now hoped desperately he wouldn’t remember later. “Not going anywhere.  Just relax and rest.”

Duke blinked slowly at him, eyes slipping closed as Nathan stroked his hair, contentment gently displacing melancholy.  “Nate…I…”  The words dragged out, heavily sluggish, and trailed off into the deep, regular breathing of sleep.

Nathan wondered what Duke had meant to say.

 

* * *

“I don’t wanna be here,” Duke mumbled blurrily when he woke up again. 

“I know, Duke,” Audrey said gently, feeding him ice chips to soothe his dry mouth.  “No one likes being in the hospital.  We just have to take good care of you.”

“I wanna go home.”  Duke sounded like a lost child, small and sad and a little scared. 

Nathan hated seeing him that way.  “We’ll get you home as soon as we safely can.  Until then we’ll stay with you so you’re not alone.  We won’t let anything bad happen.”

“You’ll stay?”  The words were disbelieving, but there was a fragile thread of hope in them.

“We’ll stay.  That’s a promise.”

Duke closed his eyes.  “You promised we’d always be friends, too.”

Nathan had almost forgotten that, the childish promise so long ago.  “We’re still friends,” he told Duke, gently ruffling his hair.

“I’d like that,” Duke said wistfully.  “I missed you.”

“I missed being friends with you too,” Nathan told him, only a little surprised to find that he meant it.

 

* * *

Over the next few days Duke slowly improved.  His vital got stronger, the painkillers were reduced, he was more alert and responsive.  He still wasn’t happy to be in the hospital, but he seemed to accept it, focusing on Audrey and Nathan’s company.

Each day Nathan worried that some new crisis would arise.

On the third day, he was right.

“I don’t like it,” he scowled at Audrey.

“I know, Nathan, I don’t either.  But it’s pretty early in the morning, he probably won’t wake up for a while.  And if there’s a Trouble, we need to deal with it.”

“What if he does wake up?”

“We can leave him a note or ask the nurses to explain.  He probably won’t be thrilled but he’ll just go back to sleep.  He’ll understand, he knows what we’re dealing with.  Haven didn’t put the Troubles on hold because he’s in the hospital.”

Nathan still didn’t like it.  But he went.

 

* * *

They were tailing their potential Troubled person when Nathan’s phone buzzed.  “Wuornos.”

“Nate, it’s Eleanor.  Can Audrey spare you?  Because if you can get back here, you better had.”

Nathan’s stomach turned to ice.  “What happened?”

“Duke didn’t take well to waking up alone.  Panicked, tried to get out of bed and escape the darned hospital.”

“He did  _ what _ ?”

“We had to sedate him to keep him quiet.  Get back here as soon as you can.”

“I – yes, of course.”  He hung up and looked at Audrey.

“Didn’t go well with Duke, huh?” she asked guiltily.

“He tried to  _ run _ .”

“God, Duke,” she sighed.  “Go.  I’ll take care of this.”

“Audrey,” Nathan frowned worriedly.

“I’ll be fine.  Besides, if our Troubled friend uses his little gift on you, you won’t even know until you’re in half as bad a shape as Duke is.  Go keep Duke from hurting himself.”

“All right,” Nathan agreed reluctantly.  “But if you need backup have the station send someone, and call me if you need anything.”

 

* * *

When Nathan arrived, Duke was still heavily drugged.  It didn’t seem to have helped him feel any better, though – beneath the medicated daze his eyes held a kind of sluggish panic. 

“Duke, it’s okay, I’m back.  I’m sorry I left,” Nathan sat down beside him and took his hand.

Duke blinked dimly at him.  “You promised.”

“I know.  I’m sorry.  I didn’t want to leave you.  There was a Trouble.”

“You and Audrey.”

“Yes.  We had to.”

Duke closed his eyes.  “Go.  Be with her.”

“No, Duke.  I’m here with you.  Audrey will be fine.”

“Audrey matters.  I don’t.”

“That’s not true!  Why would I have spent the last four days sitting by your hospital bed if you didn’t matter?”

Duke frowned vaguely, trying to force thoughts through his leaden brain.  “Don’t know.  Can’t think.  Can’t move.  Hate this.”

“I know.  I’m sorry.  You were going to hurt yourself, the hospital had to do something.”

“Who cares?  Better off without me.”

“I care, and stop talking like that.”  Nathan tried not to let his heartsick frustration show.  Making Duke think Nathan was upset with him would only make everything worse.  “Why don’t you get some rest?  You can sleep this off and feel better when you wake up.  Maybe by then Audrey will be back.”

“No.  I don’t want to be alone.  I don’t want to be here.”  The monitors’ beeping picked up as Duke’s distress warred with the drugs in his system, panic trying to fight its way past the smothering sedatives.  His limbs shifted lethargically, his eyes blinking hard as he struggled to stay conscious.

“All right, you don’t have to sleep if you don’t want to,” Nathan said quickly.  “You can stay awake and see how I’m right here, okay?  Just try to relax, you’ll get better sooner if you’re not upset, and that means you can go home sooner.”

Duke quieted, but his dark eyes were unhappy.

“Audrey brought over some more books from the Rouge, why don’t I read to you for a bit?”  Nathan coaxed.

“Whatever,” Duke mumbled.

His heart heavy, Nathan picked up a book and began to read.

He never should have broken his promise.

 

* * *

“Been a change of plan,” Eleanor told them when she stopped by the next night, on her way home at the end of a second shift.  “We’re gonna discharge him in the morning.”

“You said you wanted him here for at least a week.  He’s in no shape to go home,” Nathan scowled.

“He’s in no shape to stay, more like,” Eleanor returned matter-of-factly. 

“I know Duke isn’t happy being here, but he understands.  Isn’t what’s best for him more important than what he wants?” Audrey asked anxiously.

“This  _ is _ what’s best for him.  Sure I’d feel more comfortable keeping an eye on him for a few more days, but at this point the stress of being here is outweighing the benefits of what we can do for him.  This isn’t just a question of his psychological well-being – stress weakens the immune system and impedes healing.  As does lack of sleep, and don’t think we haven’t noticed that.  Recovering at home where he can feel safe and get some proper rest will be a better option than sedating him and keeping him here against his will.  He won’t get better under those conditions.”

Nathan and Audrey both looked guilty, but it was Audrey who objected.  “The Rouge isn’t equipped for his needs.”

“Colleague of mine, Gloria Verrano, agreed to come by first thing and get the equipment and medications you’ll need.  She’ll help you get him home and settled in, and go over his care.  And she’ll stop by regularly to check on him – I doubt he’ll appreciate seeing my face for a while, and the two of them get along.”

“All right.  Thanks Eleanor,” Nathan agreed unhappily.  He rubbed a hand over his face as she left.  “This is all my fault.  If I hadn’t left, Duke wouldn’t have been upset.  They wouldn’t have had to drug him, he wouldn’t be so stressed.”

“It’s no more your fault than it is mine, I left too.  We didn’t have a choice, and when he’s feeling better he’ll know that.  Duke was unhappy about being here from the beginning, we knew he would be.”

“This isn’t just the usual level of disliking hospitals,” Nathan shook his head.  “For him to try to leave only to get drugged against his will and shoved back in bed…you didn’t see his face, Audrey.  The drugs weren’t keeping him calm, they were keeping him imprisoned in his own mind and body.  It was bad enough he was wounded and vulnerable in an unfamiliar and unfriendly place, now he feels trapped and threatened.  Because I didn’t stay to take care of him like I said I would.”

Audrey looked guiltier.  “Look, we can’t change what happened.  At least he’ll do better at home.  I’m sure he’s out of any real danger, Eleanor wouldn’t send him home if she thought he really still needed to be here, stress or no.  He’ll have the best care we can give him, and Gloria will make sure he’s recovering properly.”

“I hope so,” Nathan said quietly.  If Duke suffered for the early discharge, Nathan would never forgive himself.

 

* * *

When Duke woke the next morning, he felt cotton-mouthed and vaguely worn down from the sedatives, and was in a distinctly foul mood.  It helped that Nathan was back with him, but however much Duke told himself that Nathan doubtlessly had had a good reason for leaving him, he couldn’t help feeling resentful.  Even the guilty look on Nathan’s face, like a puppy caught chewing the carpet, didn’t ease his irritability.

What did, however, was when Nathan told him, “You’re going home.  Eleanor’s checking you out as we speak, Audrey’s bringing around the car.”

“Really?” Duke brightened, then a horrible thought occurred to him.  “Wait, you’re not just saying that to keep me from going off the rails again, are you?”

“No, god no!” Nathan somehow managed to look guilty, exasperated, and horrified all at once.  “Eleanor thinks you’re stable enough to finish recuperating at home, and that you’ll recover faster in familiar surroundings.”

“If by ‘familiar’ you mean ‘where I don’t have to worry about unexpectedly getting jabbed with a syringe full of horse tranquilizers’, then yeah, pretty sure I’ll do better in familiar surroundings.”

“Duke, I’m sorry,” Nathan said unhappily.

“Nothing to do with you.  You were off saving the day as usual,” Duke said bitterly.

“Still broke my promise,” Nathan pointed out.  “Even if you honestly didn’t care, that doesn’t make it okay.”

Duke shrugged, not meeting Nathan’s eyes.  “Shit happened and you had to go deal.  That’s Haven.  It wasn’t a big deal.”

Nathan’s expression said he didn’t believe that, not for one moment, but he didn’t challenge Duke.  “Shouldn’t have made a promise I couldn’t keep.  I’m sorry.”

“Whatever.  Not the first time.”

Nathan flinched at that, and Duke felt a little guilty.  Nathan sat beside the bed and hesitantly reached out to take Duke’s hand.  Duke wondered if Nathan could still feel him.  “Duke.  I can’t promise I won’t have to leave again.  But I  _ can _ promise that I won’t leave unless I have to, and I promise that I won’t leave without telling you I’ll be gone, and why and where to – even if I have to wake you.  Fair?”

Oddly, that did make Duke feel better.  The practical, realistic promise was somehow more reassuring than the childish and impossible promise not to leave no matter what. But all he said was, “I thought I was going home.  You won’t need to stay anymore.”

“You are going home,” Audrey came back in, having caught the tail end of the conversation, “but you’re not in any shape to be left alone just yet.  You’re not even going to be ready to get out of bed for days yet.  There’s no way we’re just going to drop you off and let you hurt yourself trying to do everything on your own.”

Duke frowned.  “You don’t need to babysit me.”

Audrey came over to the bedside and took Duke’s other hand.  “Duke.  In case you’ve forgotten, you  _ took three bullets _ for us.  Quite possibly saved our lives.  We want to help.  Please let us do this for you.”

If there was one thing Duke understood, it was not wanting to feel obligated.  And as much as he hated to admit it, Audrey probably had a point.  Duke was no doctor but he was almost certain that he was not actually supposed to be getting discharged just yet.  He wondered whether it was because the hospital deemed him too much of a pain in the ass, or they thought he wouldn’t be able to pay his bill.

A knock at the door drew him out of his morose thoughts.  “Hey, kiddo, you ready to get the hell out of here?” Gloria asked as she pushed a wheelchair over to his bedside.

“Am I ever,” he said fervently, surprised but pleased to see her.  “Audrey, this is Gloria Verrano, a cranky old cuss who should in no way be allowed near delicate sick people.”

“A cranky old cuss who’s gonna be responsible for making sure you don’t get an infection in your catheter, so watch your sass,” she shot back, amused.

“Fair point,” Duke admitted, watching her disconnect him from the various machines he was hooked up to.  He shivered a little when the heart monitor disconnected, sounding the solid tone of a flatline as it lost the signal.

“Here, Nathan, you’re young and strong and healthy, come help him into the chair.  Carefully, mind you!” Gloria said, providing a welcome distraction.

Duke grit his teeth against the pain, despite Nathan’s best efforts.  Yep, definitely not supposed to be getting discharged yet.

They’d elected to use Audrey’s car rather than the Bronco – not only would the truck have been near impossible for Duke to get in and out of, the unremarkable sedan was a much smoother ride.  Even so, every little movement was fresh agony, and by the time she pulled up to the Rouge Duke was pale and sweating.

Audrey worriedly smoothed the hair back from his forehead.  “Duke, I know right now you’d probably rather swallow a red hot poker than heavy painkillers, but won’t you take a little something?  We still have to get you on board and into bed, and then Gloria has to show us how to take care of you.”

Duke thought he’d rather swallow a hot poker than deal with all of that, too, but he wasn't ready to concede defeat just yet.  “Just…gimme a minute.”

Audrey looked anxious, and Nathan too, but they didn’t argue.  Gloria pulled up a minute later, checked him over, and frowned.  “I know you’re not big on the idea, kid, but we don’t want to have to turn right around and take you back.  Tell you what.  Let’s get you settled in, and then you take something.”

Duke wasn’t happy, but he didn’t argue.  He had an ugly suspicion that by the time they got him on board and wrestled him into bed, he’d be perfectly happy to drug himself into oblivion.

He wasn’t entirely wrong – the Cape Rouge had never been designed with wheelchairs in mind, and by the time they got him to his bed he was grateful to collapse into the familiar blankets.

Long fingers combed through his hair, and he opened his eyes again to see a very worried Nathan holding out a pill and a cup of water.  “Please?  At least consider it?  You look really rough.”

Duke looked at the pill, and at him, weighing relief from the agony against the loss of his self-control.

“You’ll be okay,” Nathan encouraged quietly.  “You can just take it and have a nap.  If anything comes up, Audrey will check it out and I’ll stay with you.  Even if it’s bad enough that we both have to go, Gloria will stick around.  You’re not alone.  You’re home and you’re safe and we won’t let anything bad happen.”

Duke caved, closing his eyes with a nod and letting Nathan feed him the drug.  He sighed as Nathan resumed stroking his hair, lying quietly and listening to Nathan’s reassurances.  “There, you’ll feel better soon.  Just relax and rest, all right?  You’ve had a rough morning but you’re home now, you don’t have to worry, you can just relax and focus on getting better.”

Duke sleepily opened his eyes to look around at his room, his familiar, beloved home.  The sea air drifted in, the ship rocked gently at harbor, the soft slap of little waves and the familiar creaks and groans of the Rouge reached his ears.  He took it all in, letting the knowledge sink in - he was home, he was really home.

He closed his eyes with a sigh, truly relaxing for the first time since he’d been shot.


	10. Chapter 10

It quickly became apparently that Eleanor had been right about Duke’s need to recuperate somewhere he felt secure.  He spent most of his first few days at home sleeping – a deep, restful, healing sleep very unlike the drugged stupors and uneasy dozing he’d managed in the hospital.

Nathan kept his promise, leaving rarely and making sure Duke was aware when he did.   He also brought Duke’s cell phone to his bedside and checked in as often as possible while absent.  These steps seemed to help, allowing Duke to be less anxious during his waking hours.  What was more, each time Nathan kept his promise not to leave without warning, Duke seemed more at ease with Nathan being gone at all.

"What does the chief have to say about you spending so much time playing nursemaid?" Duke asked curiously one afternoon when Nathan got back from his latest Trouble-busting call.

"Nothing I give a damn about," Nathan said bluntly.  "He can grumble all he wants but I haven't used any of my vacation time in years.  So as long as I'm willing to show when things get bad enough, he can't say a thing and he knows it.  And I might have reminded him that whatever he thinks of you, you got injured saving my life, so if he doesn’t like this he can lump it."

Duke looked amused.  "No way you actually told him that.  I know you too well to buy that."

"Maybe not in so many words," Nathan admitted, looking faintly sheepish.  "But I did remind him that you saved my life."

"And then just went all silently stubborn, am I right?"

"Does no good to argue with him," Nathan point out.  "Better off just doing what I want and letting him bitch about it."

"Hard to argue that," Duke conceded.  "Always better to ask forgiveness than permission.  Or, y'know, just not care in the first place."

"Something like that," Nathan agreed. 

 

* * *

Nathan did what he could to keep Duke clean as well as comfortable, but there was only so much that a damp washcloth could do, and Duke hadn’t been home long when he swallowed his pride and asked Nathan for help with a proper bath.

Nathan looked at Duke, seeing the humiliation in his expression as he waited to be undressed and carried to the tub.  He’d rarely seen Duke look so stiff and uncomfortable since they'd brought him home. 

Nathan thought about the first time his Trouble had kicked in, how his parents had had to help him relearn everything from picking up objects to chewing his food.  It had been about as humiliating as Duke probably felt now.  But sympathy wouldn't make Duke feel any better about it, he knew.  What Duke needed was to have the focus off of himself, and Nathan maybe had an idea how to do that.

He reached out and rested a hand on Duke's shoulder as he sat on the edge of the bed, rubbing his thumb over it and feeling the tension beneath the skin.  When he didn't do anything else, Duke turned his head and looked at him, wary and guarded.

"Just can't get over being able to feel you," Nathan admitted.  "You know I'd never want to take advantage, though, right?"

Duke gave him a cautious smile.  "You could take a little more advantage," he joked.  "Might be a while before I'm back in the game but you don't have to be hands-off like you are with Audrey.  Not exactly a stranger to being all touchy-feely with you, here."

"Thanks," Nathan said quietly, giving his shoulder a squeeze.  He made himself meet Duke's eyes, letting the wounded man see that he wasn't the only one feeling vulnerable.  "It's just, I don't know how much time we have with this.  All honesty, I was kinda looking forward to the whole bath thing.  If that's okay with you."

Duke's face softened.  "Yeah, I'm okay with it.  You can touch all you like, get your fill – in the bath and afterwards too.  So stop holding back, okay?"

“Thanks,” Nathan smiled warmly, letting his hand trail down Duke’s arm as he pulled away to stand up. 

He was as careful as always helping Duke get undressed and lifting him up.  Duke rested his head against Nathan’s shoulder.  “I feel like there’s a princess joke in here somewhere but it’s just not coming.”

“I was expecting a crack about carrying my bride over the threshold,” Nathan replied, his usual deadpan somewhat ruined by a small smile.  It wasn’t the first time he’d had to lift and carry Duke, but it was the first time Duke hadn’t been in too much pain to joke about it.

Even so, Duke looked relieved when Nathan set him in the deep old-fashioned claw-foot tub, his face still a little pale and strained.  “I can go get something,” Nathan offered.  “Advil, if you don’t want anything stronger.”

“I’m good, just need a minute,” Duke reassured him.  Nathan kept an eye on Duke as he set out towels and fresh pajamas, reassured as the color came back to Duke’s face and his breathing slowed back down to normal.

“Tell me if the temperature needs adjusting,” Nathan told him, turning the water on.  “I’m afraid I can only fill the tub to your waist, we still need to work around your injuries.”

“I’ll take it,” Duke said fervently, smiling as he wiggled his toes under the stream of hot water.  “This feels great.  You never realize how good it feels to bathe until you can’t for a while.”

Nathan wondered if Duke had previous experience in that area.  He looked through the various jars and bottles, a bit at a loss – Duke had far more body-care products than Audrey did, let alone Nathan.  “What is all this stuff even?”

“Hey, just because all you have in your shower is a bar of soap and some generic shampoo doesn’t mean the rest of us are okay with that.  That grey stoneware jar there has soap in it, the blue glass bottle on the caddy is shampoo.  The rest can wait.”

Nathan opened the jar and took a cautious sniff.  He recognized the scent, he’d caught it on Duke’s skin from time to time.  Here it was rich and strong, warm spice and subtle floral undertones.  The shampoo was a familiar luxury too, herbal and vibrant.  “Seems pretty fancy.  Are you going to tell me this stuff is handmade in some village in Indonesia or something?”

“Yes but I know the guy who makes it and I can get more.  If I’m going to have my first bath in two weeks I’m not using the cheap stuff.”

“Fair enough,” Nathan agreed, shutting off the water.  “Just lie back and relax.  And let me know if you’re uncomfortable, physically or otherwise, all right?”

Duke smiled a little as he settled back in the tub.  “The fact that you’re asking makes me pretty sure I’m in good hands.”

Nathan wasn’t sure how to respond to that, so he simply got to work.  He took Duke’s hand, lifting his arm to gently clean it.  He traced his fingertips over Duke’s hands, learning every callous and scar, rubbing the soft soap into the skin.  He ran his hand over Duke's arm, captivated by the way the feel of the warm skin changed as he worked - soft when dry, smooth when wet, slick with soap. 

Duke watched Nathan work at first, evidently enjoying Nathan’s fascination and the intensity of his focus on mapping every inch of Duke’s skin.  But as Nathan continued to bathe him, moving on to his other arm, Duke’s eyes slipped half-closed in quiet enjoyment, his face softening and his body relaxing.

Nathan wondered if Duke had ever been touched gently before, without cruelty or avarice.  Not by his family, that was for certain.  And Duke might have been popular with the ladies but if his early trysts with Nathan were anything to go by, affection was not part of the package.

He also wondered if this was helping Duke’s recovery, knowing how much better he'd done at home where he could relax, remembering how holding Duke's hand after the surgery had helped to stabilize him.

He thought about it as he worked his way over Duke’s shoulders and the back of his neck, tentatively kneading the strong muscles there.  Duke sighed happily, tilting his head forward obligingly.  "I gotta teach you massage.  You can practice on Audrey, she'll love it."

"Only if I get to use it on you," Nathan said without thinking as he worked down Duke’s back, not wanting Duke to go into his usual comments about Nathan and Audrey getting together and leaving him behind.

Duke blinked, surprised by the response.  “Well…not gonna say not to that.”

“Good,” Nathan said, carefully pouring water over the soapy skin, shielding the healing injuries.  Finished with Duke’s back, he shifted down to wash his feet, careful to keep his touch too firm to tickle.

“Hey,” Duke said softly.  “I know I’m not always an easy patient.  But…thanks.  For all this.”

The words that leapt to Nathan’s lips were,  _ you’d do it for me _ , but he held them back.  Not because they might not be true – he was sure of that – but because he wasn’t sure if Duke wanted that fact acknowledged.  Instead, he settled for, “Thanks for letting me.  Know it’s not easy.”

“No,” Duke said quietly.  “But you make it easier.”  He lifted his arm and reached out to touch Nathan’s cheek.  Nathan went still, eyes closing as Duke’s fingertips brushed his skin, everything in him focused on that tiny bit of contact.

It didn’t last long, sadly – Duke lowered his arm a moment later with a regretful expression.  Nathan gently caught his wrist and kissed his fingertips before setting Duke’s arm back in the water.

“Sorry, not up to much yet,” Duke murmured as Nathan began washing his legs.

“Don’t be.  You’ll get there.”

“I know.  It’s just, there’s so much I want to do for you.”  Duke didn’t add that they didn’t know how much time Nathan had left to feel him.  They both knew it, and the reminder wouldn’t help any.

“You’re doing plenty for me.  I’m really enjoying this,” Nathan reassured him.  “Hope you can, too.”

“No worries there,” Duke gave him a crooked grin. 

“Good.  So stop worrying and just enjoy, all right?”

“Yeah, okay,” Duke murmured, tilting his head back and closing his eyes.

Nathan hesitated as he reached the top of Duke’s legs.  “I need to wash between your legs.  Is that okay?  I’ll be as gentle as I can.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing,” Duke gave him a lazy grin.

Nathan took that as assent and set to work.

“Man, really wish we were doing this in a different context,” Duke murmured, his length twitching weakly in Nathan’s hand.  Clearly he was interested, but his body had other priorities.

“When you’re healed,” Nathan promised, finishing up and cleaning his hands before moving back up the tub to wash Duke’s chest and stomach, careful to avoid his wounds.  Duke was fully relaxed again by the time he’d finished, content and at peace. 

“Gonna wash your face and then do your hair, okay?”

“Sounds amazing,” Duke murmured, trustingly still as Nathan set to work.

Nathan was glad of his ability to feel more than ever as he brushed soapy fingertips feather-light over Duke’s closed eyelids and soft mouth, stroking his face gently until it was clean.  “Okay, hold your breath, gonna rinse,” he warned, washing the soap away and then caressing the skin dry with a soft washcloth so Duke could open his eyes.

Duke sighed slightly, his expression serenely blissful, his face soft and unguarded.  It struck Nathan that after all the times he’d wanted to see Duke lower his walls, after he’d seen Duke’s defenses stripped away against his will to leave him raw and exposed, he’d finally gotten his wish – Duke allowing himself to be vulnerable by choice, because of his trust in Nathan.

It was not how he ever would have expected it to happen, but at the same time it felt so right.  The weight of Duke’s trust caught in his throat, the priceless enormity of this privilege that Nathan would guard at any cost. 

“I really want to kiss you right now.”  Nathan didn’t realize the words had made it past his lips until Duke opened his eyes and smiled.

“That much I can do.  C’mere,” he offered.

Nathan leaned over and pressed a kiss to Duke’s mouth.  Unlike their previous kisses, this was slow and tender and chaste, unhurried caresses of lip against lip.  Nathan lost himself in it, eyes closed and reveling in the rich sensation.  He wished he could stay like this, spend entire days just exchanging gentle kisses.  But Duke shivered as his damp skin cooled in the dry air, and Nathan broke off regretfully. 

“Sorry, let me get you warmed up again,” he murmured, draining the cooling suds and running fresh hot water into the tub, pouring it over Duke’s upper body until the soft skin warmed once more.

“Too bad I can’t stay in here all day,” Duke sighed. 

“I know.  But I still have to wash your hair, and then you can stay in here while I get fresh sheets on the bed,” Nathan said as he filled a basin.  “Here, lean your head back.”

Duke obliged, letting Nathan dip his head in the hot water.  Nathan ran his fingers through Duke’s hair under the water, luxuriating in the wet silk softness of it.  It was getting long, starting to shaggily hang down around Duke’s face instead of flaring out in a curling fringe.  Nathan rather hoped Duke would leave it that way – he’d found that he very much enjoyed running his fingers through it.  He set the basin aside and poured some shampoo into his hands, kneading it through the dark strands.

Duke made a soft sound of rapture, leaning his head into Nathan’s hands like a cat being petted.  Nathan smiled at the obvious pleasure Duke was taking in the scalp massage, working his fingers through the soft hair again and again even after it was thoroughly clean.

He was starting to wonder if Duke had fallen asleep, so tranquil was his expression, when Duke asked quietly, “Can we do this again when I’m better?”

“Of course.  Whenever you like,” Nathan agreed without hesitation.  Reluctantly he reached for the basin to rinse Duke’s hair, not wanting him to get cold again.  It occurred to him that this was the first time Duke had ever asked him for anything.  Duke suggested, he proposed, he teased and seduced, but he never asked.  Because asking, Nathan realized, would have meant admitting that he wanted something, and that was a vulnerability.

“That’s good,” Duke murmured.  “Feels so nice.  Want to do it for you, too.”

“You can,” Nathan promised.  He took a dry towel and gently rubbed the dark curls dry as best he could.  He poured the warm water over Duke once more before standing.  “I’m going to go change the sheets, you just rest here until I come bring you back to bed.”

“Yeah, okay,” Duke murmured sleepily, then opened his eyes.  “Hey.  I know my couch is comfortable but you’ve been on it a while.  It’s a big bed.  Room for two, if you wanted,” he offered hesitantly.  “Least I can do, with you taking care of me.”

Nathan smiled and stroked the damp hair back from Duke’s forehead.  “That sounds really good,” he said honestly.

 

* * *

“Well if that isn’t the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen.” Audrey’s voice was quiet, but it still drew Nathan reluctantly towards wakefulness.  He yawned, feeling relaxed and at peace as he rarely did in the mornings.  What had Audrey thought adorable, anyhow?  He opened his eyes, and froze.

The night before he’d settled gingerly on the far side of Duke’s bed, too afraid of accidentally hurting the injured man to do more than rest a hand on Duke’s arm.  But now he was wrapped around Duke like a child with their favorite teddy-bear – one leg thrown over Duke’s, one arm across his waist (thankfully below the bandages) and his face nuzzled against Duke’s shoulder.  A stripe of warmth along his bare back told him that Duke had wrapped an arm around him too, his hand resting comfortably on Nathan’s hip.

“Before you freak out and jerk away,” Audrey told him calmly, “Take a look at his face.”

A little embarrassed at how easily Audrey had read him, Nathan did so.  There was a quiet contentment to Duke’s sleeping face, the soft expression reminding Nathan of Duke’s enjoyment of the bath.

Nathan could no more disturb Duke’s blissful rest than he could have turned his back on protecting Haven.  “Do you think it helps him?” he asked Audrey softly.

“I don’t doubt it,” she said positively.  “Duke’s a very tactile person, as you’ve doubtlessly noticed.  I think he tries to repress it, but touching and being touched is just natural to him.  Physical contact has got to be very comforting and relaxing for him, and that’s definitely going to help him heal.”

Nathan considered that, watching Duke’s sleeping face.  He had never noticed that Duke was particularly tactile, but then he at least had a good excuse for it.  How often had Duke taken the opportunity to rest a hand on his shoulder or stroke his hair or take his hand, knowing that Nathan would never notice?

He was very glad he wouldn’t miss any more of it, and hoped that Duke wouldn’t hold back now that Nathan could feel him.  He reached up and stroked Duke’s cheek gently, smiling as Duke nuzzled into his hand with a soft, sleepy sound of happiness.

“Have I already mentioned that you two are adorable?  Because seriously, we’re talking rot-your-teeth levels of sweetness here,” Audrey grinned.  “You should know that I took photos.  It was impossible not to.”

Nathan frowned but before he could reply Duke was stirring.  His attention immediately and completely refocused on Duke, Nathan asked quietly, “How’re you feeling?”

“Better,” Duke yawned, blinking slowly.  Either he wasn’t yet awake enough to realize that Nathan was blatantly cuddling him, or he didn’t mind.  “First morning I don’t feel like complete shit.”

“That’s an improvement,” Audrey smiled, unpacking the grocery bag she’d brought.

“You should probably still take your morning Advil though,” Nathan said worriedly.  “Now that you’re awake and will be moving around, you might aggravate things.”

“Yes mom,” Duke grinned, making no move to detach himself from Nathan.

Audrey rolled her eyes and got the Advil for them, bringing it over with a cup of water.  “For breakfast you have a choice of assorted fruit yogurts, oatmeal, and/or bananas.  What’s your pleasure?”

Duke looked unenthused.  “When did Gloria say I can quit soft foods again?”

“Not for another week, I’m afraid.  Any time there’s abdominal surgery they have to make sure everything’s working right.  She said you’re lucky to be able to eat at all,” Nathan said apologetically.  He reluctantly detached himself, almost relenting when he saw Duke’s disappointment and caught the soft, stifled sound of protest.  He rubbed Duke’s shoulders to ease the loss.  If they said anything, he could always claim that it was an important technique for reducing potentially harmful muscle tension.

Duke sighed.  “Not that I don’t appreciate you bringing me food, because I really do, it’s just…how much of this stuff can I eat, you know?  Another week of overripe bananas for breakfast, cottage cheese for lunch, and boxed mashed potatoes for dinner, when if I could just use my own damn kitchen I could come up with food that would meet the requirements but actually taste good.”

“Seems like a reasonable frustration,” Audrey sympathized.  “But even if it's mediocre, you still have to eat, Duke.  Your body needs a lot of fuel for repairs.”

Nathan looked thoughtful.  “What if you instructed me?  You’ve done okay sitting up, maybe we could move you out to the couch where you can supervise my cooking.  I’m no four-star chef but if you give me the recipe and keep an eye on me, I’d probably do all right.”

Duke brightened up at the suggestion.  “You think that’d be okay?”

“I’ll call Gloria,” Audrey smiled.

“Oh man, I hope she says yes.  I already can think of half a dozen things that would fit the bill.  Screw cottage cheese and bring on the garlic cheddar mashed potatoes and roasted red pepper and eggplant soup,” Duke grinned.

Nathan smiled and ruffled Duke’s hair.  Those recipes sounded impossible to him, but he’d do his best.

Anything for Duke.

 

* * *

 

“It’s fine.  Cooking a recipe is just following instructions.  It’s just…holding a pepper over the naked flame of a gas burner?  That technique seems…unusual.”

It occurred to Duke how terribly wrong that could go for someone who couldn’t feel heat.  He looked around the kitchen with new eyes, seeing countless potential hazards – splatters of sizzling oil, splashes of boiling water, burning hot metal, knives honed to razor edges.  “You know,” he began backpedaling, “I was just having a cranky moment earlier, I’m not that fussy honestly.  I’m just glad to have food in my stomach and you’re already doing so much.  Cottage cheese and oatmeal is fine, really.”

Nathan gave him an odd look.  “Duke, I’m not  _ that _ bad a cook.  You want real food, you’ll get real food.”

“No, I don’t mean you’re a bad cook.”

Nathan came over to sit on the ottoman beside the couch.  “Then what?”

Duke hesitated for a minute before admitted.  “Maybe it’s not the best idea to go literally playing with fire.”

Nathan rolled his eyes.  “Not gonna hurt myself, Duke.  I did fine when we cooked together that one time, remember?”

“…Oh yeah,” Duke said sheepishly.

“It’s not like you to fuss over this sort of thing, you know I can take care of myself.  What’s really eating you, Duke?”

“It’s nothing,” Duke tried.  Then, “It’s stupid.”  But Nathan just kept looking at him patiently, as if those protests were just a token ritual they had to get out of the way.  Maybe, Duke thought, Nathan was right.  “Look.  I know you have to go out with Audrey and deal with the Troubles, okay?  I know you can’t stop just because I’m stuck like this.”

Nathan frowned worriedly.  “We thought you’d gotten to be okay with it.  If you still need someone to stick with you, we can work something out.”

“It’s not me, Nate.  It’s you.  Maybe you’ve forgotten that this whole mess came about because someone tried to  _ kill you _ , you and Audrey both, but I haven’t.  Last time I was there to take those bullets.  What happens when I’m not?”

Nathan reached out and took Duke’s hand, rubbing the thumb over the back.  Duke felt some of the tension ease out of him, and thought to himself how dangerous it was that Nathan’s touch could do that to him now.  Because he knew better than to think this would last forever, and a good thing was just one more thing to lose.

“I’ll spare you the speech about duty, sacrifice, the greater good, and being willing to put our lives on the line every time we go out.  I imagine you’ve heard it before, and I suspect you’re not impressed,” Nathan told him bluntly.

“Got that damn right,” Duke muttered.

“You know that even if you were there, I wouldn’t want you doing this for me ever again, right?  Rather take my own chances.”

Duke snorted.  “Like you wouldn’t do the same in half a heartbeat for anyone in this town.”

“That’s what it means to be an officer of the law, Duke.  Protect and serve, remember?  We’re not just here to hassle you about slipping stuff past customs.”

“That supposed to make me feel better about it?”

“Supposed to make you understand that it’s my job.  Not  _ your _ job, as you like to point out.”

“So what, you have the greater right to sacrifice yourself?  Fuck that, Nate.  It’s bad enough you never really lived your life because you were so damned determined to uphold your duty.  I don’t want to see it kill you outright.”

“Not what I meant, Duke,” Nathan’s face softened a little, the way it did every now and again these days, the way that made Duke wonder if Nathan was looking after him for some reason more than mere duty.  “I can’t promise I’ll always come back.  It’d be a lie and we both know it.  But I’ll always try.  I’ll always want to.  And if one day I don’t make it home, know that I went down fighting with everything in me.”

Duke squeezed Nathan’s hand hard and turned his face toward the pillow.  “Shut up, this is a shitty conversation.  Go cook.”

Nathan drew a light blanket over Duke and ran a hand through his hair before straightening and heading into the kitchen.  “Can we do the peppers in the oven instead of over the gas flame?” he asked.  “That’ll be safer.”

“Yeah.  Yeah, we can use the broiler for that,” Duke managed to make his voice come out mostly level.  He wasn’t sure whether to be annoyed or grateful that Nathan was letting Duke fuss.  He was far from used to having anyone be so solicitous of his needs – and more than his needs, his comfort.  Nathan was downright doting, and Duke frankly had no idea what to make of it.  Nathan hadn’t been affectionate before the shooting, so maybe he was just a bit clingy from the passing fear of losing Duke, but that would mean Duke meant something more to Nathan that just a fuckbuddy.  No, it was much more likely that Nathan was simply indulging his ability to feel, and that required keeping Duke happy.  It was the only explanation that made sense.  He could only conclude that he may as well enjoy the rare pampering, however confusing or temporary it might be.

After all, if Nathan was on the Rouge fussing over Duke, he wasn’t out on the streets taking his usual stupid risks, and that was just fine with Duke.


	11. Chapter 11

Nathan had been worried that the long days of recuperation would drag, making Duke irritable and ending in the same arguments and anger that they had finally gotten past.  But oddly that never seemed to materialize.  Duke seemed content – pleased even – to while away the hours quietly playing cards with Nathan, watching movies, reading books, or just coaxing his terse companion into comfortable conversation. 

It was a life Nathan could see himself being very content to lead himself, and he thought wistfully of whether Duke might let him stay once he could shift for himself once more.  Nathan was practically living aboard the Rouge by this point, ostensibly to minimize absences that would make Duke worry.  He was glad of the excuse to stay a little closer to home - as he found himself increasingly thinking of the Rouge.  He knew it was a bad idea, he was well aware he had no right.  But the Rouge was coming to represent comfort and contentment and safety to him, much more so than his own house with all the little posted notes about the things he couldn’t do.

Already it felt like the question would be put to the test more swiftly than Nathan was ready for.  It seemed that every few days there was some new little victory to celebrate – Duke getting out of bed, taking his first few careful shuffling steps without help, going back to normal food.

Nathan found himself increasingly afraid that when Duke was back to normal, he wouldn’t want Nathan around anymore.  That needing Nathan’s help was all that had allowed Duke to tolerate his presence.  That Duke’s pride would insist he manage on his own.

And yet…while Duke still needed help with a lot of things, his health was no longer so delicate that he needed someone there overnight in case of emergency.  By all rights Nathan could have left each night and come back in the morning.  But each night when Duke settled into bed, he pulled back the covers from the other side, patting the mattress in welcome.  Not just tolerating Nathan’s continued presence, but inviting it. 

Could Audrey have been right?  Had Duke come to consider Nathan as more than a friend, more than a sexual partner?  He’d been following her advice about watching Duke’s responses, especially to physical affection.  With Duke having given permission, Nathan didn’t hesitate to touch Duke – to ‘get his fill’ as Duke had put it - and he soon realized that Audrey was right about Duke being a tactile person.  He seemed almost eager for the contact, orienting on Nathan’s touch like a flower turning toward the sun.  He seemed happier and more relaxed for it, leaning into the casual, affectionate touches and visibly enjoying the contact.

And as Duke grew stronger, he began returning the touches, trailing his fingers through Nathan’s hair or running a hand down his arm – reaching out to touch for any and every reason or no reason at all.  Every time, Nathan paused in whatever he was doing to focus on the sensation, eyes slipping closed as he drank it in.  One evening Duke had run his fingertips over Nathan’s face like a blind man leaning his features, and Nathan had held still for him for what felt like hours, enthralled.

Even Nathan’s hesitant requests for kisses were always granted full willingly, and if there was anything that could convince Nathan that Duke really did have feelings for him, surely it was those tender, entirely chaste kisses.  Surely Duke wouldn’t go that far just to indulge Nathan’s ability to feel.

He’d talk to Duke about it. 

Soon.

* * *

Duke was always a light sleeper, so it was no surprise when, a few nights later, Nathan’s restless movement and muttered protests woke him. He sat up, still slow and stiff, and looked over at his bedmate.

Nathan had rolled away from Duke in the night and they were no longer touching.  Nathan was shifting in the jerky erratic movement of dreams, escalating toward thrashing in a way that made Duke put a protective arm over his half-healed wounds.  The nonsensical muttering increased in volume and clarity until Duke’s name and cries of ‘no!’ were unmistakable.

Duke frowned worriedly and leaned over, wrapping himself around Nathan in a calculated gamble.  As expected, the sudden blaze of sensation woke Nathan in a heartbeat – thankfully without Duke catching a flailing elbow for his trouble.  Nathan woke disoriented, looking around wildly and struggling to free himself.  Duke quickly let go, letting him adjust.  Nathan flipped over and stared at him for a long moment, still visibly panicky.

“Hey Nate,” Duke pitched his voice low and soothing.  “Sounded like one hell of nightmare.  Want some midnight cocoa or something?”

Nathan reached out and pulled him into an embrace instead, painfully tight for a moment but loosening instantly at Duke’s indrawn breath.  He still held him close, though, burying his face in Duke’s neck and mumbling, “You’re alive.  You’re okay,” over and over like a mantra.

Duke rubbed Nathan’s back and ran a hand through his hair comfortingly.  “Yeah, buddy, I’m okay.  You saved me, remember?  You and Audrey.  You’ve been taking such good care of me.”

“I dreamed…I dreamed…” Nathan couldn’t seem to get the words out, clinging tighter.

“I can guess,” Duke murmured.  “Nightmares are shit.  I’m here, I’m alive, I’m just fine.  Whatever you dreamed, it didn’t happen.  You stopped it.”

“I don’t want you to die,” Nathan said bleakly.  “Not for me, not for anything.  I’d never want that.”

“I didn’t,” Duke reassured him.  “And I’m gonna do my damnedest to keep not dying, I promise.”

Nathan looked up at him, reaching a shaking hand to stroke his face.  “You’re really okay.”

“Large as life and twice as sassy,” Duke smiled.  “I can make some smartass comments if you’re not convinced.”

Nathan gave a shaky chuckle, resting his forehead against Duke’s shoulder.

“That’s better,” Duke smiled encouragingly.  “C’mon, let’s make some cocoa.  Nothing helps after a nightmare like chocolate.”

“S’a nightmare, not a Dementor,” Nathan mumbled, letting Duke go with a certain degree of reluctance.

“You must be feeling better, the banter is back,” Duke grinned and ruffled Nathan’s hair.  “In every fiction lies a grain of truth.  Come on, sleepyhead, I have this Mexican hot chocolate blend you’ll love.  I even promise not to tease you about liking Harry Potter.”

Duke still wasn’t up to being on his feet long enough to do any serious cooking, but he was capable of heating a couple mugs of milk and stirring in the cocoa mix.  He set one in front of Nathan at the little table and carefully lowered himself into the chair opposite.  “So, books or movies, which are better?”

Nathan blinked at him for a minute before realizing that Duke was still talking about Harry Potter.  “Books.”

“Good man.  Still, you’ve got to admit they did a pretty amazing job with the movies.”  Duke coaxed Nathan into a discussion, drawing his mind and memory away from whatever traumatic images he’d dreamed.  He kept it up until the mugs were empty and stone cold, until Nathan was calm and yawning sleepily once more. 

“Okay, bedtime for all good little Nathans, I think,” Duke smiled as he stood and put the mugs in the sink.

When he turned, Nathan was regarding him with a serious expression.  “Duke, do you remember what you said to me after you got shot?”

“Not really,” Duke admitted.  “It was kind of a blur.  My attention was pretty much elsewhere.”

“You said, ‘what’s the matter, afraid to lose your fucktoy?’”

Duke grimaced.  “In front of Audrey?  I am so sorry, Nate, I  _ never _ would have outed you if I were in my right mind, I swear.”

Nathan waved a hand impatiently.  “Not the issue.  You’re not my fucktoy, Duke.  I’m not just using you for sex.”

“I never honestly figured you were, Nate,” Duke protested.  “Well, okay, maybe in the beginning, if we’re being 100% honest, but I kinda figured by now we were friends.  Friends with benefits, sure, but friends.”

“Just friends?” Nathan said quietly.

Duke blinked.  Surely Nathan didn’t mean… “What do you mean ‘just friends’?”

Nathan came over to him and lifted his hand, tracing his fingertips down Duke’s cheek.  “Was hoping for more than friends.”

“More than friends?  As in, romance?  As in, relationship?” Duke managed, dumbfounded.

“That be such a bad thing?” Nathan licked his lips nervously.  “These past few weeks, I thought…could see it maybe working.”

“Nathan, I…” Duke didn’t know what to say.  He’d wanted this, dreamed of it, ached for it – but he’d never expected it.  “Look, I know it’s been pretty intense, with you taking care of me, sharing the bed, being able to feel me.  But that doesn’t mean you want this.”

“Wanted it before you got hurt, Duke.  Long before.  Just never had the guts to say it.  Figured it wasn’t what  _ you _ wanted.”

“You’re the one who doesn’t want it, Nate.  Audrey, remember?  You love Audrey.  I don’t want to get in the way of that.  You’ll still be able to feel her once whatever this is with me wears off, and you should have a chance at being happy with her.  I don’t want you to lose a good thing because of me, you deserve better.”

“What about my chance at happiness with you?” Nathan said bluntly.  “I already have a good thing.  You.  Don’t give a damn whether I can feel you or what I deserve – and you saved my life, damn near died doing it, pretty sure I couldn’t ask for better.”

“I’m not some hero, Nate, you of all people should know that.  I – ” Duke broke off as Nathan wrapped his arms around him.  “Nate?”

“Forget what I want.  Is this what  _ you _ want?  If it’s not, tell me now and we can go back to how things were.  Or being just friends, no sex.  Or not even that, if that’s what you want.  But tell me no if that’s what you really mean.”

Duke put his head on Nathan’s shoulder, unable to lie and refuse Nathan.  But he couldn’t admit how much he wanted this, either.  He couldn’t understand why Nathan would want him – the only logical explanation was that this was some twisted prank, and they were far beyond that now.  “You’re making a mistake,” he said quietly.

“Won’t be my first,” Nathan shrugged, not letting go.

“Are you just gonna hug me until I stop objecting?”

“Will that work?” a tiny smile tugged at the corner of Nathan’s mouth.

“Not really.  Seriously, I just don’t see how you’d want – ”

Nathan cut him off with a soft kiss.

Duke blinked, then gave Nathan a suspicious look.  “Come on, Nate, you know better than to get invol-“

Another kiss.

“Are you going to do that every time I try to pro-”

Another.

Duke gave him a stern look.

Nathan looked back at him evenly.  “Gonna stop telling me what I do and don’t want?”

Duke looked a little sheepish.  His protests  _ had _ kind of amounted to that, hadn’t they?  “Sorry.  Bad habit.”

“Noticed that,” Nathan smirked faintly before growing serious once more.  “I know what I want.  What we’ve done, I wouldn't do with just anyone.  Wouldn't do it at all, if there wasn't anything there.  Has to be you, Duke.  If that’s a mistake, it’s one I’d rather regret making than regret never taking the chance on.”

Duke wrapped his arms around Nathan, leaning against him.  “Me too,” he admitted softly, barely more than a whisper.  “But what if I fuck this up, Nate?  I don’t know how to do this.  Relationships…aren’t something I’m good at.”

“You’re already doing fine,” Nathan kissed his forehead.  “You won’t screw it up.  If we could end up here from where we used to be, we can get past anything.”

“That’s…weirdly reassuring,” Duke gave him a crooked grin.

Nathan smiled back and stole another soft kiss.  “Come back to bed.”

Duke sighed into the kiss, all but melting against Nathan.  “Yeah, all right.”

 

* * *

 

They didn’t make love that night.  Duke had already asked Gloria several days ago when he could safely resume strenuous activity.  Gloria had snorted and said “Strenuous activity?  You’re not fooling anyone, kid.  No sex until I gave you the all clear.”

But as they climbed back into bed Nathan wrapped himself around Duke, happy for the chance to do so.  They’d woken up tangled together every morning since they’d started sharing the bed, but Nathan had never quite dared to start the night that way.

There were, in fact, a lot of things he’d never dared to do, and he seemed determined to make up for all of them now.  Wrapping an arm around Duke as they relaxed on the couch, waking him with kisses and sending him off to sleep the same way, gently wrapping Duke up in his arms at any moment for no particular reason.

“Never would have pegged you for such a lovebug,” Duke smiled on one such occasion, kissing Nathan’s cheek as the other man shamelessly cuddled him.

“Never would have pegged myself that way,” Nathan admitted.  “It’s not just being able to feel you, though.  Just…can’t believe how lucky I am.  Wanted this for a while, but figured I’d spook you if I came on too strong.”

“We’re really idiots,” Duke said ruefully.  “I wanted this too, and thought you’d never go for it.  I was so sure you were hung up on Audrey, and what you did with me was just about getting off.”

“Hasn’t been just that for a long time,” Nathan admitted.

“Glad we’re not wasting any more time,” Duke agreed.  He hesitated a moment before asking, “So…you’re really not interested in Audrey?  Because I could have sworn you were head over heels for her, following her around like a lovesick puppy.”

Nathan snorted.  “You’re one to talk, Mr. ‘I don’t talk to cops’.  You helped her from day one, even when she didn’t ask.  All your self-serving look-out-for-number-one rules went right out the window when it came to her.  And don’t think I missed all those wistful looks when her back was turned.”

“She’s not the only one I helped, you know.  Took  a little longer, but I haven’t been playing Trouble-hunter for just her sake for a while now.”

“So you don’t have feelings for her?” Nathan raised an eyebrow.

Under that steady look, Duke’s gaze dropped.  “So I can like more than one person at a time, so what?  It never mattered, she was never gonna look twice at me with you around.  And it’s not like you’re just a substitute, you know that, right?”

Nathan kissed him gently.  “I know.  You wouldn’t do that.  Funny though – I’d have said the same thing about her not wanting me when she could have you.”

Duke gave him an odd look.  “You’re kidding, right?  You, the classically handsome cop, her partner, loyal as the day is long, brave and selfless, honest and righteous and true.”

“You forgot hopelessly awkward, taciturn, overgrown dork,” Nathan said, dry as bone.  With Duke stroking his cheek he could feel his skin warming with the blush Duke’s praise elicited.  “Pretty sure that doesn’t hold up next to the attractive, charming, witty bad boy with a hidden heart of gold.  She took one look at you and knew right away you were someone she could trust, someone she could count on, someone who’d care enough to do the right thing no matter what.”

“Nate, c’mon,” Duke squirmed, his face flushed beneath his tan in a way that Nathan found charmingly novel.  He had wondered sometimes if Duke even still  _ could _ blush.

“Just the truth,” he smiled and stole a kiss.

“Seriously, though Nate,” Duke said softly.  “If she ever offers, I want you to know that I’ll understand if you say yes.  I’d never make you choose, I’ll bow out gracefully.  And I’ll be okay.”

“Liar,” Nathan frowned, hating the sadness in Duke’s eyes, his certainty of this outcome.  “No deal.  She decides she wants me, she gets you in the bargain or not at all.  Package deal, not open to negotiation.”

Duke’s jaw dropped.  “You…an open relationship?  You’re seriously okay with that?”

“Not talking about you being my piece on the side, Duke.  All three of us.  Everyone’s equal, everyone’s honest, everyone cares.”

“You’re talking about a triad, Nate,” Duke said incredulously.  Seeing Nathan’s brow furrow in confusion, he added, “Like a threesome, only romantic instead of sexual.  Well, romantic in addition to sexual, typically.  But you’re seriously telling me that’s what you’d offer her?”

“Why?  You wouldn’t be okay with it?” Nathan asked anxiously.  He hadn’t figured Duke for the jealous type, especially after he’d admitted to caring for them both, but had this been the wrong thing to say? 

Duke rolled his eyes.  “Oh yeah, having  _ two _ gorgeous amazing lovers would be terrible, just awful, I couldn’t stand that.”

Nathan breathed a sigh of relief.  “Then what’s the problem?  You don’t think she’d go for it?  Because I’ve seen how she looks at you too, and I really don’t think she’d turn up her nose at the idea.”

“I’m still not so convinced about that, do you really want to gamble on it?”

“Not a gamble.  I’m with you and that’s not changing.  She can take it or leave it.”

Duke blushed again and ducked his head against Nathan’s shoulder.  “What the hell did I ever do to deserve you?”

“I could start with the part where you took three bullets for me, and then start listing all the other ways you’ve helped me, Audrey, Haven and its people.   Be here all day but I’ve got nowhere to be.”

Duke leaned up and quieted him with a kiss.   

 

* * *

 

Unsurprisingly, as Duke got better he also became more of a handful.  While he could do most things around the house for himself by this point, he was still prohibited from doing maintenance on the Rouge, taking shifts at the Gull, handling Troubles with Audrey and Nathan, and driving (although the last was mostly to prevent the previous two, as he quickly guessed).  The long stay at home combined with his increased mobility to leave him restless, no longer content to spend whole days in restful idleness.  The physical therapy exercises Gloria had him doing to rebuild his strength and flexibility helped to pass the time and tire him out, but Duke still sought more freedom - cajoling, arguing, bargaining, practically whining.

Honestly, Nathan was only surprised it had taken him this long.  He wasn’t willing to budge on any of Gloria’s restrictions, which frustrated Duke to no end.  He did however let Duke talk him into occasional excursions, with Nathan driving them around to run errands or visit the Gull or relax on the beach.  Nathan knew that small concessions were necessary to make the compromises palatable, that as much as Duke loved the Rouge and felt safe there, he also needed to not feel trapped.

Among the limits Duke seemed determined to test was the ‘no sex’ rule.  When Gloria had realized they were a couple she’d taken Nathan aside and given him a stern lecture that had left his ears burning and Duke endlessly curious as to what had been said.  Suffice to say that Nathan was trying very hard to keep Duke from any strenuous activity, but it was difficult when Duke was so…persuasive.

“C’mon, Nate, I’m not suggesting that I climb on top of you and ride you like a show pony,” Duke wheedled, then paused to grin at Nathan’s reaction.  “Although judging by your face, that is definitely something we should do.”

Nathan cleared his throat.  “When you’re fully healed,” he said, his voice coming out a little lower and rougher than he’d have liked.  “Not before.”

“Sure, sure,” Duke agreed easily.  “But for now, we can take it easy and still have some fun.  Remember that time you can over and we made dinner?  That wasn’t strenuous, right?”

Nathan remembered, all right.  “That’s…that’s not the point.”

“Pretty sure it is,” Duke grinned.  “No strenuous activity, that’s the rule.  No strain, no problem.”

Nathan took a moment to be extremely glad that Duke was only using words to try to persuade him.  If Duke decided to get hands-on, the debate would be over in a flat second.  Duke probably knew it too – maybe he considered that cheating.  “Even if we don’t do anything too…athletic, there’s still strain on your body.”

“What if you were doing all the work?” Duke grinned.

“Even then,” Nathan tried for stern, and ended up just hoping he didn’t sound eager.

Duke sighed melodramatically.  “You never let me have any fun.”

Nathan sighed too, but in relief.  “As soon as you get the all-clear, you can have all the fun you want.  That’s a promise.”

“That’s one heck of a promise,” Duke smirked.  “Because let me tell you, being laid up like this has given me plenty of time to think about this, and I have plans.  Big plans.”

Nathan swallowed hard.  “Don’t know if I should look forward to it or be worried.”

“Both,” Duke told him cheerfully.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ....and we're back to the sex

The moment he was given the all clear to resume his normal life, Duke whooped for joy and pulled Nathan into an enthusiastic kiss.  Gloria rolled her eyes and headed for the door, gone by the time they broke for air.

“I am gonna do  _ everything _ with you,” Duke breathed.  “I’m gonna touch you everywhere, make you feel everything, drive you absolutely out of your fucking mind with pleasure.”

“Keep talking like that and I won’t even last until you get your hands on me,” Nathan told him, already tugging them toward the bedroom.

“You say that like it’s a bad thing,” Duke smirked.  “If you think this is gonna be over as soon as you come, you have no idea what’s in store.  I have ideas enough for  _ days _ .”

“You are going to ruin me,” Nathan groaned, but he was smiling.

“Absolutely, and you’re going to love every moment of it,” Duke grinned. 

Nathan didn’t bother arguing when he knew Duke was right, just leaned in for an eager kiss.

Duke accepted the plundering kisses at first, gradually coaxing Nathan into slower, softer ones.  “Easy, Nate,” he murmured, the words breathed into the barest space between their mouths.  “There’s no rush, we have time.  Let’s make this good.”

Nathan pulled back a little, studying Duke’s face.  “Not ever gonna take that for granted again,” he said quietly.

Duke’s face softened and he leaned in for a gentle little kiss.  He continued brushing light kisses over Nathan’s face, over his cheeks and forehead and eyebrows and nose, as he undressed Nathan, keeping his hands teasingly away from the skin until Nathan was fully bare.

Nathan tugged at Duke’s clothes hopefully.  “I want..” he mumbled.

“Yeah, okay Nate,” Duke smiled and stole another kiss as Nathan began stripping him.  Nathan ran his hands over the skin he was baring, eager to explore in a way that wasn’t innocent this time.

When they were both naked, Duke took one of Nathan’s hands in his and brought it to his mouth, kissing the pads of his fingertips, every joint and knuckle, tracing his tongue over the lines of his palm and slowly sucking each finger into his mouth one by one.

Nathan was distantly aware that he was making completely undignified sounds of raw desire but that was a faint and faraway concern in the face of what Duke was doing to him.  It seemed impossible that Duke could ignite such arousal without touching anything more than Nathan’s hand, that Nathan should feel himself ready to shatter to pieces from this alone.

Duke pulled away for a moment to kiss Nathan gently, letting him have a much needed breather.  “I’m flattered,” he smiled against Nathan’s lips. 

“Hope you’re still gonna be flattered when I can’t last more than five seconds,” Nathan said dryly.

“Actually yes, very much so,” Duke told him seriously, lifting Nathan’s arm again and pressing kisses to the tender underside of Nathan’s wrist.  Nathan’s breath caught and he wondered if he would be this sensitive for anyone he could feel.  He didn’t think so. 

“Seriously, Nate, there’s no shame in that,” Duke told him, flicking his tongue against the crook of Nathan’s elbow and drawing a little sound of surprised pleasure.  “This must be absolutely overwhelming for you, if you were able to last then I’d be forced to conclude that my skills were sorely lacking.”

“That is really, really not an issue,” Nathan said breathlessly as Duke’s agile fingers stroked up the damp skin where Duke had licked his forearm.  “How the hell are you making it feel this good, it’s just my  _ arm _ .”

“If you think this is good, just imagine what’s coming,” Duke smirked, lazily biting at Nathan’s shoulder.

“Me, several times probably,” Nathan retorted.

Duke laughed, the warm unselfconscious laugh of real happiness that Nathan loved so much.  “Mostly likely,” he agreed, eyes crinkled with mirth even as he licked along Nathan’s collarbone.  “Speaking of which, if things get too intense and you need a minute, just ask.  Or push me away if your brain’s too fried for speech, whatever you need to get the message across.”

“Noted,” Nathan agreed, though he suspected he wouldn’t even need to.  Duke always seemed to know exactly what Nathan needed.

“You know what I wanna do after I get you off the first time?” Duke mused, trailing his fingers over Nathan’s chest, tracing the contours of his muscles.  “Give you a backrub.  Not that you’ll need it, being so relaxed and loose, but it’ll still feel amazing.  And then when you’re just an absolute puddle of blissful goo, I want to take you nice and easy, you’ll love it.”

“That sounds incredible,” Nathan admitted, his breath stuttering as Duke’s fingers brushed over a taut nipple.

Duke grinned as he lowered his mouth to Nathan’s neck, rubbing his thumb over the tight nub deliberately this time.  “Everything we do will be,” he promised, swirling his tongue over the warm skin and wringing a heartfelt groan from Nathan’s throat.

Nathan ran his hands restlessly over Duke’s back as Duke seemed determined to find every single sensitive spot on his neck.  There was no shortage of them, as it turned out, and Nathan outright whimpered as Duke bit down on one of them.

“Too hard?  Sorry,” Duke murmured, kissing the spot tenderly, resting his hands at Nathan’s sides to let him cool down.

“No, it was good,” Nathan assured him, tangling his fingers in Duke’s dark hair.  He kept playing with the soft strands as Duke trailed his mouth down Nathan’s chest and stomach, slowly sinking to his knees as he teased the warm skin with little flicks of his tongue, slow lazy licks, gentle bites, and wet, open-mouthed kisses.

“You really like my hair long, huh?” Duke smiled up at him, tracing his fingertips up Nathan’s thighs in intricate patterns that were driving Nathan slowly insane.

“I really do,” Nathan agreed breathlessly, unconsciously spreading his legs and arching his hips a little, needing Duke’s attention on his untouched arousal.

Duke grinned – the sparkling grin he got whenever he had a particularly brilliant, wicked idea.  He bent his head, but instead of taking Nathan in his mouth he trailed his hair over Nathan’s length.

Nathan gave a shocked little moan at the silken caress, coming immediately.  Duke stood and wrapped his arms around Nathan, supporting him and lowering him to the bed.  “Okay?  Not too much?” he murmured, kissing Nathan softly.

“Amazing,” Nathan mumbled, draping a leaden arm over Duke and pulling him close.  The feel of Duke all up and down his body was heaven, all warm skin and lean muscle.

“Wow, you’re still hard,” Duke said, surprised and visibly impressed.

“Can’t get enough of you,” Nathan told him, taking a double handful of Duke’s firm ass and squeezing.  “Might be hoping for a little more than a backrub.”

Duke chuckled and rolled their hips together slowly, drawing a groan from Nathan’s throat.  “Hoping to feel what it’s like to fuck me?” he murmured teasingly.

“ _ Yes _ ,” Nathan agreed, reaching over to the bedside table for the bottle of lube and a condom.

Duke put a hand over his, flicking the wrapped condom.  “Kinda defeats the point, don’t you think?”

Nathan frowned a little.  “You don’t bareback.  Ever.”

“That was the rule,” Duke lent slight emphasis to the past tense.  “Things change.”

“You don’t have to break your rule for me.  If you don’t want to do this without one, neither do I.”

Duke leaned in to kiss him softly.  “I appreciate that, Nate, I really do.  It means a lot that you want to be sure I’m okay with everything we do.  But I am, honestly.  That rule was for when things were just casual, and it was important then to protect you as much as me.  But it’s different now.  And I tested clean, I swear.”

“Never crossed my mind you weren’t.”

Duke lifted an eyebrow.  “Even after Helena?  After my comment about not turning down beautiful women with appetites?”

“You wouldn’t be offering otherwise,” Nathan said simply.

Duke grinned ruefully.  “Guilty as charged.  It’s a standing offer, by the way, not a one-time deal.”

“Changed your mind about beautiful women?”

“And willing men.  Who needs ‘em, when I've got much better at home?”

Nathan gave him a little crooked smile.  He’d seen some of the people Duke had slept with and he sure didn’t see where he qualified as ‘better’, but he appreciated the sentiment nonetheless.

Then Duke’s hand wrapped around his length and all thoughts of good and bad flew right out the window. 

Duke grinned at the sound Nathan made, holding his hand still and letting Nathan adjust.  His thoughtfulness was only so effective, however, with Nathan squirming and shifting restlessly, caught between wanting more and wanting less, but unable to hold still either way.

“Easy, Nate, you’re okay,” Duke murmured, moving with him.  “Deep breaths.  Need a break?”

“Don’t stop, for god’s sake,” Nathan blurted, making Duke chuckle.

“You think this feels good now, wait ‘til I get you all nice and slick,” Duke teased.  “Think you can focus enough to prep me, or should I handle it myself?”

“I want to feel you.   _ All _ of you,” Nathan insisted, pulling Duke close for a kiss and delighting in being able to feel his shiver of desire.  “But hang onto the other option for later?  I’d like to watch that.”

“Anything for you,” Duke grinned.  He squirted some lube on his hand and wrapped it back around Nathan – without waiting for it to warm to skin temperature first.  Nathan gave a little yelp and Duke laughed.  “Sorry, sorry, couldn’t resist.”

“S’ppose turnabout’s fair play,” Nathan grumbled.  The annoyance was fading fast, the slick gel already warming and letting Duke’s hand slide over him in a way that felt downright sinful. He tried to pull himself together so that he could get Duke ready, but he couldn’t resist the temptation to thrust into Duke’s hand, his hips moving as if of their own accord.

“Feels good, huh?” Duke murmured, watching him with an indulgent grin.

“Duke, if you keep that, up, I…I can’t…”

The warning came too late, as Nathan’s second climax hit him.

“We’ve got time,” Duke pointed out with satisfied amusement.  He lazily stroked Nathan’s softened length, his eyebrows lifting as it stirred to life again.  “You weren’t kidding when you said you couldn’t get enough.”

“Got some reason to doubt that?” Nathan asked, taking the lube and coating his fingers.  He’d  long since stop being squeamish about covering his fingers when they did this, and he marveled at the feel of Duke’s body allowing him entrance.  He rubbed the pad of his finger over the inner surface curiously, enjoying the way it made Duke whine and squirm.  He could feel the slight bump of Duke’s prostate now, massaging it to watch his lover’s reaction.

Duke moaned and arched, warning Nathan, “Just – ah! – Just remember that I’m not on sensory overload like you.  If I come, lil’ Duke’s gonna need a while to recharge.”

“Fair point,” Nathan sighed as he stopped teasing and focused instead on working Duke open.  “Definitely gonna come back to that later, though.”

“You just like watching me squirm,” Duke grinned breathlessly.

Nathan snorted inelegantly.  “Lot of glass in your house to be throwing that particular stone.”

“Touché,” Duke laughed.  “C’mon, Nate, I’m ready.”

“Little more.  You’re always so impatient.”

“What can I say, you just feel so good I can’t wait,” Duke lent a breathy little moan to the words, arching his hips and spreading his legs invitingly.

Nathan groaned and pulled his fingers free.  Damn the way Duke always knew just how to get to him.  He wiped them off on a cloth and reached for Duke’s shoulder to roll him over.

But Duke slipped away, reaching up to draw Nathan in for a kiss.  “Just like this, Nate.  Like I said – things are different now.”

Nathan blinked, then his expression brightened as he realized what Duke meant.  He returned the kiss tenderly, wrapping his arms around his lover.  “Thank you,” he murmured.  “Means a lot to me.”

Duke ran his fingers through Nathan’s hair with a warm smile.  “Anything to make you happy.”

Nathan leaned in for another kiss, wondering how he had ever thought Duke selfish.  “Ready?”

“More than ready,” Duke replied, reaching down to guide Nathan’s angle.

Nathan slowly pressed into the hot clench of Duke’s body, gasping with the intense sensation.  He never took his eyes from Duke’s the whole time.

“Easy, you’re doing great, take it slow and remember to breathe,” Duke coaxed.

“God, Duke,” Nathan groaned, watching Duke’s face and enjoying the pleasure there.  “You feel…so good, there’s no words.”

“You too, Nate, love feeling you in me every time, you have no idea.”

“I want to,” Nathan said breathlessly, making a little broken sound as he bottomed out.  “I want you to do this to me too, I want to know what you feel when I take you.”

Duke shivered a little and Nathan whimpered at the sensation.  “When you put it like that, how could I refuse?” Duke leaned up for another kiss.

“I want to do everything with you, Duke,” Nathan panted as Duke wrapped long legs around Nathan’s hips.  “I want to try everything, feel everything, I don’t want to wait.”

“I’ll give you everything, as quickly as I am physically capable of it,” Duke promised.  “Just might need some breaks to reload, you know?”

“I didn’t mean – I don’t want you to hurt yourself trying,” Nathan looked worried for a moment before he was distracted by a slow roll of Duke’s hips.

“Don’t worry about me, I won’t push my luck,” Duke promised, setting his hands on Nathan’s hips and encouraging him to move.  “I don’t want to end up back on no-sex bed rest because we got too ambitious.”

“That’s…ah, god…that’s good.  Duke, I can’t…not gonna last,” Nathan managed, barely coherent as he began picking up the pace.

“Go ahead, Nate,” Duke encouraged.  “I wanna feel you come inside me.”

Nathan moaned desperately, his rhythm breaking down.  Duke drew him in for a kiss and clenched his body around Nathan.

Nathan’s shout was muffled by Duke’s lips, his arms tight around Duke as his hips ground desperately against him in climax. 

Duke ran his hands down Nathan’s back, drawing more little whimpers, soothing him through the last ripples of pleasure.

Nathan moaned softly as his softening length slipped out, dazed and blissful.

“That’s a good look on you,” Duke smiled, stroking his hair.

“You’re…amazing, incredible, fantastic.” Nathan gave him a smile drenched in lazy euphoria.

“I could say the same,” Duke grinned and kissed that soft, sweet smile.

Nathan rolled off Duke, looking down with a slight fade of his smile.  “You didn’t finish.  That’s twice now.”

“That’s a good thing,” Duke told him firmly.  “How else would I be able to oblige that very sexy request of yours just now?”

“You really don’t mind?”

“I really don’t mind.  I’m not hypersensitive like you, I’m more of a one-and-done guy these days,” Duke smiled self-consciously.

“No shame in that.  Imagine I will be too once all this isn’t so new,” Nathan reassured him.

“So,” Duke propped himself up on his elbow, clearly wanting to change the subject.  “You wanted me to return the favor, I believe.”

“Very much,” Nathan agreed, leaning in for another kiss.  “Need me to be on top?”

“I’m not  _ that _ fragile, Nate,” Duke rolled his eyes, but his soft smile said he appreciated the concern.  “But I mean, if you want to ride me I’m not exactly gonna say no.”

“I do, but next time,” Nathan decided, wrapping his arms around Duke and pulling him close again, their bodies stretched out together.  “Liking this, right now.”

“What’s not to like?” Duke smiled and nuzzled Nathan’s cheek.  “I know we’ve done this often enough, but now that it’s different if you decide you don’t like it, that’s okay.  If you’re not comfortable, you just say the word and I’ll stop and we can do something else we’ll  _ both _ enjoy.  I don’t wanna keep going if you’re not enjoying it, so don’t hesitate because you feel guilty or whatever, okay?”

“Noted,” Nathan agreed, lying back and relaxing, his legs slightly spread.

“God, you’re gorgeous,” Duke murmured, reaching for the lube.  “Have I ever told you that?”

Nathan gave a skeptical snort.

“Seriously!  You have a handsome face and an amazing body, Nate, and I will never get enough of you.”

“Not a patch on you,” Nathan returned, his breath skipping a little as Duke began massaging the slick liquid into his skin.

“Not a competition, Nate,” Duke said easily, watching Nathan’s face carefully for any sign of discomfort as he eased in one finger.  “Though if it were you’d totally win.”

Nathan was too distracted to respond, squirming restlessly.  There was an odd duality to the response Duke’s actions roused in him.  The new sensation felt strange – not unpleasant but not pleasant either, not so far anyway – yet his body remembered this as the precursor to pleasure and responded eagerly.  The tight clench of his entrance relaxed to welcome the intrusion, his hips arched up off the bed.

“Talk to me, Nate.  You okay?  Want me to stop or keep going?”

“I’m good, keep going,” Nathan told him breathlessly.  “Just feels a little weird, that’s a-” his voice choked off as Duke did something that set his entire body afire.

“And here’s number four,” Duke laughed, and cleaned away Nathan’s fresh seed.  “You going for a record?”

“Just don’t stop,” Nathan told him.  “Even if I can’t get hard again, I still want this.  And I’ll still like it, trust me.”

“Duly noted,” Duke agreed.  He didn’t trigger that sensitive spot again, keeping his fingers shallower as he stretched Nathan.  It didn’t take long – by this point Nathan was deeply relaxed, tranquil and pliant beneath Duke’s hands.  His erection was much slower in reviving this time, but it was at half-mast when Duke pulled his fingers free and cleaned them off.

“Still wanna do this?  You look about ready for a nap,” Duke kissed him softly.

“M’ happy, not sleepy,” Nathan countered.  “Still want this.”

“Okay, deep breaths, let me know if it’s uncomfortable,” Duke murmured, aligning himself and sliding slowly in. 

Nathan moaned softly, his hands tightening in the sheets at the intensity of the feeling.  “Duke, god, you feel…so good, so big, can’t believe you’re inside me.”

“All the way,” Duke said breathlessly.  “You’re amazing too, so hot and tight around me, you take my breath away every time.”

“Want to feel you come inside me, Duke, I want to feel everything.”

“You will, I promise, I’ll give you everything you want,” Duke bit his lip as he rocked into Nathan, keeping himself to a slow, steady pace.  He reached down to wrap his hand around Nathan’s slowly recovering length, coaxing it back to full hardness.

“Never knew anything could feel this good, not even before my Trouble came back,” Nathan drew Duke in for a kiss. 

“You too, you’re amazing, Nate, never would have believed we’d end up here,” Duke panted, shifting his angle to rub more firmly over that sensitive spot inside Nathan, drawing a deep groan.

“Want you so much Duke, want everything, want you in my bed and in my life and by my side,” Nathan begged.

“Always, Nate, every day for the rest of my life, I’m yours,” Duke promised, his lean body tensing as his long-delayed climax drew close.

Nathan pulled Duke close and kissed him deeply, his length pulsing in Duke’s hand and his body clenching around him, triggering Duke’s own release.

Duke gave a deep sigh of satiation as his pleasure ebbed, lying bonelessly atop Nathan.  “Mm, you’re incredible.”

“You too, Duke,” Nathan yawned and nuzzled sleepily at Duke’s cheek.  “Feeling okay?”

“Never better,” Duke said happily.  “Am I squishing you?”

“No, I like it.  My very own Duke-blanket,” Nathan grinned.

Duke chuckled.  “Good, ‘cause I don’t feel like moving any time soon.”

“Sounds good to me.”

“Probably shouldn’t really sleep like this, though,” Duke said regretfully, rolling to the side.

Nathan whined and rolled with him, pulling him close again.

Duke looked down between them, realizing something.  “Hey, I could have sworn you came that last time, was I wrong?”

“No, you were great.  Why?”

Duke grinned.  “You came dry.”

“I…what?”

Duke reached down and patted Nathan’s still-clean stomach.  “You fired with no bullets left in the chamber.  That’s pretty impressive really.”  He sounded rather smug about it.

“Guess that’s what happens when you get a guy off five times in a row,” Nathan said, amused.  “Good work.”

Duke laughed and kissed him, pulling away just long enough to clean them the rest of the way up before settling down contentedly in Nathan’s arms.

“Hey…I meant it, you know,” Nathan said quietly after a minute.  “Wanting you in my life.”

“That’s good.  Because I meant it too, when I said I’m yours.  Better or worse, you’re stuck with me now,” Duke promised.

Nathan cupped Duke’s cheek in his hand and smiled.  “No place I’d rather be.”


End file.
